


Laugh, I Nearly Died

by ScaliaFics94



Category: Fear The Walking Dead - Fandom, Trick, troy x Nick - Fandom
Genre: M/M, trick - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-03-26 12:40:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13857978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScaliaFics94/pseuds/ScaliaFics94
Summary: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDxguf6XcAErRY0.jpg





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDxguf6XcAErRY0.jpg

Fic song is Rolling Stones - Laugh, I nearly died

TROY'S POV:

With the Clark's and my brother in my Dad's office, he berated me like the screw up he always saw me as. To be perfectly honest, I was screwed up. At least, I knew that. I was reminded of it enough growing up.

My dad's voice echoed in my head, his words were nothing new.

'You're a dumbass, you know that.' 'The hell is wrong with you, Troy? Why can't you be more like your brother?' 'You need to be an example for this family, Troy. So get your head out of your ass or I'll get it out of there for you.'

"Lighten up, Dad." Jake interrupted his rant.

"Stay out of this, Jake. He needs to hear this or he'll never learn."

I glanced around the room, my attention went to Alicia.

She was about to say something when Madison caught her wrist. A nice gesture, even though I didn't deserve it after the harm I brought their family. Especially Nick.

To my surprise, he was the one that got my father to stop talking.

"Do you get off on bullying your son in front of company?" He stepped forward, his arms folded across his chest. A tense twist to his mouth.

What was he doing?

My Dad turned his cold eyes onto him. "I beg your pardon, son. Do you know who you're talking to? Who's house you're standing in?"

I wanted to say something but I didn't know what to say. Clearly, nothing I did was good enough.

"Yeah, a wrinkley, miserable, bigotted old geezer who talks shit to his only real family. No wonder Troy's messed up." He gestured to him. "With a father like you-"

"Nick!" Madison cut him off.

Nick gave a wry smile. "What? We're just supposed to stand here and watch?"

"It's not our place," She determined.

It wasn't my place either. So I backed out of the room with my Dad screaming obscenitites at the back of my head with all his might. They rolled off my back as best as I could manage.

All I wanted to do was kill the No-Brainers. That seemed to be the only thing that made me feel better lately.

I ran up the stairs to grab my gun from my closet, then pocketed the extra ammo. When I turned around Jake stood in the doorway.

"Thanks for trying but I don't need your protection from Dad. He's gonna yell. That's what he does." I loaded the gun.

He came closer. "You shouldn't go out angry. What if you get in over your head?"

I shoved past him with care in my eyes. "Then shoot me in the head." I took the stairs two at a time.

"Troy!" He called after me.

Being in this family had always been lonely, but I had never realized just how much until the end of the world rained down a shit storm on us and we had to host dozens of survivors. Those dozens of survivors had to be closer to my family than I was. If the Clark's could have a perfect world here I wouldn't be in their picture. Guess that was no one's fault but my own.

My truck was only a little ways down the road. The last person I expected to find there was Nick leaned up against the driver's side with his hands in his navy blue coat pockets. He had cut his hair a few days ago. Now it hung a bit before his forehead. It looked nice on him, he looked like a different person.

I slowed down once we made eye contact. "What are you doing here, Nick?"

He shrugged. "Figured you could use the company."

"Well, I don't want it."

His brow arched. "Is that any way to treat the guy that defended your honor against your asshole father?"

"I didn't ask you to do that." My eyes ran over his face. "Why did you?"

A heavy breath left him. "Maybe I've been where you are."

"Doubtful,"

Nick had this Poet air about him that made this world a little easier to live in for him, something the rest of us hadn't yet figured out. He seemed to fit right in wherever he needed to. When I first laid eyes on him I couldn't quite figure him out. There was something inside of him that I recognized. It took a few days to pin point that it was the darkness in him. He may not be where I was but he'd been through his own version at one point.

He reached behind his back to pull out the pistol from his pants. "You go out there like this, you'll need back up."

My forehead creased. I didn't say anything as we both got into my truck.

I had a suspicion that this trip wasn't just about me, that he needed it as much as I did. He just didn't know how to go about asking for it.

So I kept my mouth shut. For now.

We rode in silence. Mostly silence.

"Why do you let Jeremiah talk to you like that?" He voiced.

I thought about not answering but it was a tiny space with nothing but time stretched ahead of us.

"I learned to block it out years ago, not much of a choice really."

His dark eyes felt heavy on my face. "You're not blocking it out. You misdirect it to everyone else. Those people back at the border. My family. Everyone. You can't go through life like that, Troy."

The anger I dampened rose. "And why not?" I glanced at him before turning my gaze back to the road so we didn't crash. "What has anyone else done for me? I already know what everyone thinks of me. What's the point in trying to deviate from it?"

"You know, when you asked me to kill you the other night I thought about doing it. Want to know why I didn't?"

I rested my arm on the door while I used the other to steer. A huff left me. "Do tell, Nick."

"You're not as demented as you let on and -"

"I'm plenty demented." I interjected.

He leaned closer to me. "You're not as demented as you let on and you've convinced yourself that you don't feel the pain you inflict on others." He let his words sink in, then sat back.

We came to a stop a few minutes later.

I struggled to keep it together because I didn't want to let my guard down in front of Nick of all people. Sure, I liked him okay, but he was a soul on the go. He could leave at any moment.

Against my better judgment, I chanced a look at him.

"You're lost. Welcome to the club." He opened his door and jumped out.

I followed with a stinging in my eyes that I had to blink away before I rejoined him.

We scouted in silence, never straying too far from each other. Ironically, it was hard to find No-Brainers to kill when you actually wanted to kill them.

"How long are we going to keep at this?" Nick asked.

"I didn't ask you to tag along." I walked ahead for the trees.

He followed. "You really have a death wish."

I stopped in my tracks, lowered my weapon, then turned to him. "So what if I do, Nick?"

His eyes narrowed until his jaw clenched. "That's why you came out here, wasn't it? You plan on accidentally getting bit so I have to put you down?"

That would've been a good plan.

"You're giving me more credit than I deserve." I headed for the direction in which we came, fed up with feeling things when I was around him. "Let's split up."

"Troy!"

I paused with a look over my shoulder. "I can't apologize for who I am, Nick."

"I'm not asking you to," He was about to say something, then cut himself off before he got the words to say, "I may not know why you are the way you are but that doesn't mean that I don't care. Our people need you, Troy. You think that Jake can do what needs to be done if a horde comes across the Ranch? Or that he'll be able to rally up fighters against Taqa and his men when that fight comes? The Ranch needs you. Don't give up on it because your Dad's an ass."

There was a wetness in my eyes that I had to blink away again. His wisdom brought out the demons in me that I didn't want to inspect. Before he came along I was drowning in my own mess. Now it kind of seemed like I had a life raft.

I turned around to face him and my heart stopped at the No-Brainer a foot away from him.

He stared at me with honest brown eyes, unaware of the death-bringer behind him.

My rifle raised at the No-Brainer and I pulled the trigger..

Nick's eyes held a tinge of fear.

The Dead dropped behind him.

He turned at the unexpected scene.

A few others dragged from the trees.

He looked back up at me in disbelief. He quickly grabbed his pistol.

I put my gun away to replace it with a hunting knife. I wanted blood and blood was what I was going to get.

I hacked into the oncoming heads with the help of Nick. There turner out to be more than a few, more came out of the woods than we expected. I could feel Nick's hesitation while it formed into excitement.

He ran out of bullets along the way and had to resort to his makeshift brass knuckle dagger. He clocked the shit out of a few then turned to stab more in their ugly little heads.

Whenever he showed his true colors around me I felt like I was let in on a secret the rest of the world didn't know.

There wasn't anything like this that could make me feel something. Well, other than Nick. And occasionally his mother when she poked her head into my business. She could tell that I had a fascination for her son. Her words came back to me. "But you have such a strange fixation on him."

The end of my knife sunk into a head of a No-Brainer that headed Nick's way, one that he wasn't going to get in time.

He threw me a look before finishing the clearing job we sought out to do.

My high built as high as it could get me before I was covered in their blood and there were no more killing left to do.

I moved toward Nick.

He had the same heavy look in his eyes. Only it changed when he saw me. A grin formed on his face, but it wasn't all there.

We wondered back to the truck in a haze. A lot of the time there wasn't a need to talk between us, not that we had this inexplicable connection that didn't require words, we were just tired of all the bullshit.

I headed for the drivers side when he grabbed my arm. I looked at him.

"Let's give it a minute before we head back."

My rose in question. Did he want to do more killing?

He dropped his hand. "How about we catch our breath?" He went around to the bed of the truck, stepped up onto the tire then he was over into the bed. He held his hand out.

My wrapped around his as he holsted me up. I swung my long legs over one by one. My back laid against the chilly, hard plastic of the bed. I blew out a heavy breath.

We laid there several minutes so we could rest our weary bones.

"Do you feel better now?" He asked eventually.

"Do you?"

He turned his head to look at me. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I looked at him. "You and me, we're more alike than you think. Black sheep. Children of violence. It's just you wish you weren't."

He was about to say something but turned away instead.

"It's okay, Nicky."

"Don't call me Nicky."

I cracked a grin. "What are you going to do about it?"

He surprised me with a tired laugh. "Nothing, I suppose."

We stayed like that, staring up at the twinkling lights in the dark beyond because it was nice. It was simple. It was easy.

"You ready to go back?" He asked after a while.

My head shook. I was as content as I'd been in a while.

"A few more minutes."

A/N: I'll upload more when I have time :) Please let me know how you did or didn't like it.


	2. Say Something

TROY’S POV:

The song for this chapter is Justin Timberlake - Say Something 

 

The next day I had a feeling that my Dad was going to either give me the silent treatment or be very direct and short with me, which was really no different than how he usually was. Lucky for me, it was the former. 

For breakfast, he held brief conversations with members of the community easily but when it came to me he kept going as if I wasn’t there. 

Jake saw and asked with his eyes if I was okay.

I pretended like I didn’t see it as I went back to eating toast. 

Madison, Nick and Alicia chatted in line for food. He had his hair different today, all of it slicked back. It looked really nice on him in his Army gear. 

She felt my stare, then turned back to Nick to no doubt say something about me. 

I verred my gaze out to the dryland to get lost in thought. 

Cooper sat down across from me, he began talking but I didn’t catch a word of it. He never usually took offense to it because he knew what to expect me, which was very little. 

Madison struck up conversation with my Dad with her kids by her side. He acknowledged the women but said not one word to Nick. 

Nick stared after him with a clenched jaw. His fist gathered by his side. He must’ve really hated him. 

My gaze must’ve been heavy on him because he met my eyes. 

We locked eyes for a few moments.

I offered a grin.

He gave a small grin as he looked away. 

Before patrol started, I headed back to the house to laid down on in my room for a few minutes. My arm rested over my eyes to block out the light as I tried to relax. I must’ve drifted off because I was shook awake some time later.

“Troy, we need you out there.”

My eyes scrunched together when I came to. “Hmm.” I opened them to find Nick crouched down by the bed. I rubbed at my eyes. “How long was I asleep?” I sat up.

He stood. “Probably like an hour.”

I got to my feet. “What? Why didn’t anyone come get me?” I didn’t want my father to have another reason to think I wasn’t good enough if I couldn’t do the one job he gave me.

“I told them to let you sleep,” He defended. “So if you want to blame anyone blame me.” 

I was yet again at a loss for words because he proved to be the only one to be nice to me without expecting anything in return. I had to wonder what I had done to earn that from him because I had the impression he saw me as a head case. 

He took the time to walk around my room to inspect the trinkets that he thought would tell him something else about me. 

My hands rubbed on my pants. “Are you guys already out there?” 

“It’s as quiet as a silent film,” He picked up my rock collection.

I walked over to him. “Clearly there was a lot to do here growing up with a paranoid recluse.”

He laughed. “I can see that.” He inched over to the telescope. “You actually use this thing or did you use it to pick up girls?” 

“Uh, no.” I paused when he looked at me.

“Guys then?” 

I cracked a grin. “I actually used it,” I gestured to it. “The piece of metal helped me escape for a bit.” I bit into my lip. 

Back then I was very quite lonely. Ever since Nick got here I didn’t feel so out of place as I once did. Even if we never truly became friends I felt a connection to him that I think he felt to and that was more than I ever expected to have.

My eyes drifted to his to find him already looking at me. 

He cleared his throat. “Maybe we should get out there. They’re probably drowning without us.” 

I felt my face get a little hot at the way he softened “Us”. 

His eyes scrutinized my face.

I started for the stairs. “Let’s not give them anything to talk about then.” 

“Doesn’t bother me.” He followed behind with his hands in pockets.

To fight my smile, I bit the inside of my cheek. I wasn’t sure if that was considered a flirt but I didn’t put much stalk in it. No use in getting all in fuse over something I couldn’t have. 

Once on the way to the patrol field, I asked, “Sorry you’re in the line of fire of my Dad’s wrath. It can be brutual.”

He ran his hand through his slicked back hair. “I won’t lose sleep over it.” He said in a way that suggested neither should I. 

“Are you going out again tonight?” 

I looked over at him. “Depends on if someone pisses me off. Are you looking to piss me off, Nick?” 

He held his hands up in surrender. “No trouble on my end. Just come get me if you have to go out there.” 

My gaze lingered on him for an answer. 

“If you go out there alone you might not come back. While you’re probably okay with that I don’t know if these men will follow Coop if it came to it.” 

My heart warmed a bit. “Are you about to break into song, Nicky?” I cracked a grin.

He rolled his eyes with a light hearted laugh. His chocolate eyes met mine in amusement, they crinkled from the sunlight in his eyes. “These people expect a strong leader. One that knows the land. Does Coop know how to navigate with the stars or how to track with plants are edible for us to eat? Or how to get us back from Taqa’s if we need to get out there?” He held a bit of intensity in his voice. 

“Point taken.” I scanned the field for my men to make sure they hadn’t slacked in my absence. “But I think they’d follow you if it came to it.” 

He stared at me without anything to say. 

I kind of liked that I made him speechless a lot. 

I laughed at him. “Don’t shit your pants. I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Good.” He went to his post.

His ‘Good’ stayed with me while I made my rounds to the others to check on them. My last stop was Cooper because he was a bit sharper than the others.

“Notice anything?”

He gestured out to Nick by the wall, his gaze directed through the hole. “Nothing besides your boyfriend thinking he’s in charge.” 

My brow rose at him. 

He gave me a look back. 

I blew out a breath. “From now on when I’m not available, you and Nick are in charge.” 

“He’s been here for like five minutes, Troy.” 

My arms folded across my chest, I squared my hips so I exuded confidence that the others expected from me. “You’re by the book and he’s on the fly. You’ll balance each other out.” My word was final.

He nodded in understanding. “Yes, sir.” He went back to his job.

I walked the perimeter a few times. The third time I got a bad vibe so I pulled Tony off the line to help me scout. He was disposable, good enough to be a soldier, but not good enough that we’d be at a loss without him. He was basically a red shirt. 

As if on cue, an arrow flew into his back.

His eyes widened before he tipped over. 

“Fuck.” I ran through the trees. “Get down!” I shouted. “Indians are coming!” 

The others must’ve heard me because they sprung into action. One ran toward camp to warn everyone. 

An arrow flew past my head while others were aimed at my men. 

I checked on Nick.

He held his rifle steady as he calmly walked in the direction I escaped, a look void of emotion on his face. His eyes found mine briefly and softened before his forehead crinkled and everything about him hardened. He aimed behind me.

I turned to see an Indian with a knife in his hand on the ground. Maybe it was out of obligation or out of something I didn’t quite yet understand, but I felt the need to protect him as he had protected me. 

We quite literally fought back to back until the spray of arrows and bullets ceased. There was a collective sigh of relief but now we had to deal with the No-Brainers that wondered our way from the continued noise. 

Madison ran onto the field with Alicia and two others to check the wounded. 

Nick and I looked each other over. Somehow we were the only two unwounded. 

Alicia ran over to check us out. She went to her brother first. “You okay?” 

He nodded, pulled her into a quick hug. “You?” 

Jealousy formed in me because I’d never have the closeness they shared as siblings with Jake. We just weren’t built that way. Maybe it was me that wasn’t built that way. 

“Troy?” She asked. 

I was a bit shocked that she cared, but I chalked it up to an obligatory ask. 

I nodded. “Thanks.” I felt obligated to say it. I heard Nick ask her, “What was that?” when I walked away but I didn’t hear much after that. 

Jake came up to me with my Dad in tow. 

“You couldn’t have prevented this?” My Dad blamed before Jake could get a word in. 

“How is this my fault?” I demanded. “I made the rounds. They’re sneaky and they know the land, you know that.”

His disapproving grey eyes all but glared at me in his subdued way. 

Madison jogged to us. 

“How many dead?” He asked of her.

She glanced at me. “Just one. Tony, I believe his name was.” 

I confirmed it with a nod. 

“Looks like your men need to work through the night.” Dad instructed. 

While I knew it was necessary I knew they wouldn’t be excited about it. 

I gathered them around to deliver the news. “We’re on watch all night. We can stagger shifts. I’ll try to get a few volunteers on board. Who wants to be on first watch?” 

There were only three hands that flew up. Plus, Nick’s. 

My eyes settled on him as I said, “They probably won’t attack soon after but they might rely on our defenses and resources to be down to strike again.”

He gave a slight nod of faith.

I tore my gaze away to thank each other men for their dedication silently. “Off you go.” 

Nick walked up to me and stopped well within my personal space. “Do we have the ammo to waste if they start a war?” 

“I guess, we’ll find out.” I leaned in close with my stare in the distance. “Hopefully it doesn’t come to that.” I looked back at him. 

His gaze ran over my face, then settled on my lips briefly before they flicked up to my eyes. 

A little bit of breath left me, I turned away to catch it. “Good work.” I head out to find some recruits to help us out.

 

 

NICK’S POV:

The evening dragged on without incident, but we couldn’t lower our guard just in case. The entirety of the camp relied on us. When the shift change took place at dinner I was starving. 

I sat with my canned green beans, corn, and hamburger patty. 

Alicia gave me a worried look. “How are things out there?” 

“Uneventful.” I dug in.

She gestured with a fork at me. “How have you been with things?” 

I swallowed the green beans, then answered, “Fine, I guess.”

“I meant since Luciana left.”

We locked eyes.

“I haven’t had time to think about her really, maybe that’s a good thing.” 

She nodded. 

I gave a teasing grin. “What about you and Jake? Any apocolypse babies in the future?”

She chucked a balled up piece of bread at me but the tired smile on her face suggested it hadn’t upset her. “It’s casual.”

“But he likes you. You like him.” I grinned. “If he asks you to go steady will you say yes?”

Her face went red. “All you have to do is bag the other brother,” 

When I went silent she broke out into a loud laugh. 

Instead of giving her a reaction I forked a few beans from her plate. 

“Hey,” She tried to take some from my plate in good nature. “Looks like your boyfriend’s coming this way,” She whispered. “Troy,” She called loud enough for him to hear and waved him over..

On instinct, my foot kicked her shin.

She laughed heartily. 

He neared us with tired yet intrigued blue eyes. “Alicia?” 

“Why don’t you eat with us?” She gestured to the spot right next to me.

He sat beside me with his apple. “Thanks.”

My body automatically grew a bit stiff. Sadly, I knew it was noticeable so I tried to loosen up by swinging my leg over one side and face the both of them.

“Must be hard work out there,” Alicia started. 

He nodded once. “Needs to be done.” 

Her eyes glanced to mine before she said, “Must get pretty tense out there. Probably not a lot of ways to release it, you know.” 

She wasn’t being subtle about it. 

I couldn’t help but laugh at the awkwardness.

He quickly glanced at me with a raised brow, then stared at her. “Are you asking me if I’m having sex with anybody because I’m pretty sure my brother has his hand in your cookie jar.”

That shut her up. 

She turned bright red.

I bellowed out a laugh and shot Troy an impressed grin for putting her in her place. It was all in good fun, something we all needed after the day we had. 

We chatted for a bit longer then it was time to part ways. Only Troy and I both started for the field. 

He arched a thick brow at me. “You don’t have to stay.” 

I eyed him. “I know.” 

He fought a smile, then continued on.

 

TROY’S POV:

Everyone was on the brink of sleep by the end of the second shift. The long had long since evaded us so we had to be extra alert. 

Soon enough Cooper and the others came to relieve us. This time Nick and I accepted defeat, but I found I couldn’t allow myself to sleep when the whole camp felt wired. 

No part of me wanted to go inside so I perched on a chair on the porch and focused my attention on widdling a piece of wood. It was surprisingly relaxing so I kept at it. 

There was a knock on the railing. 

I looked up to find Nick on the steps, his Army shirt open and revealed his dingy wifebeater underneath. 

“You’re still up?” I probed.

He nodded at the few weapons at my feet. “I could ask you the same.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette and a lighter. “You mind?”

My head shook. “Go for it.” I tried to focus on what was in my hands but he kept distracting me with little stares. So I placed the stick and knife down and joined him on the opposite side of the stairs. I took the time he took to blow out smoke to the side to assess him. 

I wasn’t sure if he knew his level of attractiveness or not but it was one of the first things I noticed about him. 

His eyes slid to mine. “You did good out there today, even if Jeremiah tells you otherwise.” 

A honest smile tugged at my lips.

“What?” He gave a smile of his own.

“You just seem content on making sure I know my worth.” 

He looked a bit startled at my words, then took another puff of his cigarette and blew it out. “What are friends for?” 

“Is that what we are?” I offered a curious grin. 

“For now,” He put his cigarette out on the railing of the stairs. “You might be a dick tomorrow.” He joked. 

I laughed. “Ah, that’s entirely possible,” 

We chuckled.

He took a step closer. “Sorry about my sister earlier. She can be intrusive.”

I shrugged it off. “I didn’t mind,” I pushed off the railing. “It was nice talking to someone new for a change. I’m glad she invited me over.”

“Maybe she’ll invite you over again tomorrow.” 

I gave a small nod. “Maybe I’ll invite myself over.” I put on the confidence I felt he admired.

He seemed pleased by that. He licked his bottom lip and said, “I’ll see you in a few hours, Troy.” He gave me a parting look.

“See ya.” I said lamely.

I had to wonder in a few hours time would we still have his light hearted banter or we go back to barely co-existing? I was afriad I was putting stock in something that I couldn’t have.


	3. Waiting Game

The chapter song is Banks - Waiting Game (Male version) by Male Nightcore on YouTube. There was a Trick video that inspired me to write this fic, along with other videos, Troy x Nick | Waiting Game [+3x16] by XBlackRavenX.

TROY'S POV:

The next few days went by in much the same fashion. Everyone was tired and on high alert. Paranoia took people left and right. We isolated the ones that were making it harder for everyone else, it was Jake's idea of course. A healthy dose of fear never hurt anybody. If it kept them in line then I didn't see a problem with it.

I barely slept at all. Every time I closed my eyes I saw the look of utter disappointment on my Dad's face. Every time I hit the bed I convinced myself there was something that could be done. Cooper and Nick tried to get me to take some time to myself but I didn't need it.

It was barely dinner time when I went down the stairs, my mind going to dark places when I heard familiar voices talking in my Dad's office. To not be heard, I inched closer but stayed out of sight.

"Do you hear yourself?" Nick accused.

My Dad slapped his hands on his desk. "Keep your voice down." His swivel chair hit the wall behind him as he stood. "You and I both know that if you continue to back Troy that you'll be wasting your time. The kid is messed up, you've seen that. Be smart about this, Nick."

His words didn't hurt any more than the thousands of other times I've heard them. What really pissed me off was that he wanted to dissuade Nick from my life when he had been the only good things to enter it in forever.

"With all due respect, you can shove your help up your ass." Nick defended vehemently. "Troy is out there risking his life for the people in here, for the safety of this place, for you. And your constant grudge against him is what's going to get you and everyone else here killed. Trust me on that."

Before I could hear any more I started for the food tent.

Alicia came up beside me to get her plate. "You sitting with us?"

"Not really up for convo today,"

She sensed my mood. "What's wrong?"

My head shook. "I'm fine."

To get away from her intrusive blue eyes like her brothers, I grabbed my tray and walked out into the distance to eat in peace, but it wasn't really peace with me left up to my own thoughts.

NICK'S POV:

I sat down at our usual table to eat. Alicia sometimes sat with Jake which would leave Troy and me alone for a while with excuses to aimlessly talk about nothing or to laugh off the pain we felt every day.

Alicia was the only one in sight. "Don't tell me you're moody today too?"

My forehead creased. "Huh?"

"Did something happen with Troy? He blew me off earlier."

I picked at the food that wouldn't taste like anything I wanted. "Maybe he doesn't like you as much as you thought."

She leaned forward. "He likes me plenty. Something's wrong with him, more than usual."

"Well, what do you want me to do? If he wants to be alone then he wants to be alone. I'm the same way. That's why I live out there and not with you." I looked her in the eyes. Her curious stare made me confess, "Jeremiah called me to his office. He started talking shit about Troy, saying I should stay away from him. How fucked up is that?"

Her blue eyes went to the side while she thought. "I can't imagine growing up like he did. A mom that shunned him, a dad that hated him. He's only had Jeremiah's racist ways to latch onto. No wonder he's dead inside."

"Trust me, I know how damaged he is. No one's perfect, Leesh." I bit into the dry bread.

"Is that what you told Jeremiah?"

I thought back to the interaction. His condemnation of his son was so venomous. The words flew out of my mouth and I wasn't sorry about them. He should've been ashamed but all Jeremiah cared about was his next bottle of liquor and not backing down to the Indians.

"In some capacity."

She took a sip of her water. "You might want to tell Mom too. She's not really a fan."

My eyes rolled. "We're both adults now, Alicia. We don't need Mom's permission to do anything. She didn't ask for ours when she married Travis."

"Hey," She chastised. "Chill."

I lazily held a hand up. "You know what I mean."

"What do you mean?" She probed.

"She went ahead and moved on from Dad when the rest of us hadn't yet. It wasn't fair."

She stared at me with heavy eyes. "Travis was good to us, Nick."

"Don't you think I know that? I'm not saying he wasn't. We had to be strong for mom to be happy. Maybe it's her time to be strong for us."

Her face split into a smile. "You're talking about Troy, aren't you?"

My hands covered my cheeks. "I'm talking about us being able to find out who we are in life without her coddling us." I nodded. "Tell me she hadn't given you side eyes since you started sleeping with Jake?"

She let out a small breath. "It doesn't bother me as much as it clearly bothers you. If this about how you think she'll react toward your Troy then I don't think that's the problem." She lowered her voice. "Troy's the problem."

I gestured to her. "I thought you liked him?"

Her hand went to her chest. "I think you're cute together but I'm not forgetting what he's done. Neither should you."

"Are you on my side or not?"

She looked around us. "I'm always on your side," Her passion shined through her wide blue eyes. "I just want you to be careful. Remember how you met Troy. I'm not saying he's scum of the Earth but he's far from sane. He needs a friend more than you need a boyfriend."

Her words sank into me and I wasn't very hungry anymore. "I'll see you later." I grabbed my tray and left.

"Nick," She called.

I continued my walk. She was right and I knew that. Frankly, I wasn't sure what Troy and I were. He'd been in his head the last few days more than regular. Jeremiah's stupid words got to him, I knew it. Even if Jeremiah hadn't been a grade A ass of a father, Troy's mom had done enough damage in his youth so what chance did he ever really have with both parents conditioning him to become a sociopath?

TROY'S POV:

On my way back from my shift Jake joined me by my side

"Hey, how was it out there?" He asked.

"Quiet." I didn't really have much to say to anyone, Nick notwithstanding.

Jake grabbed my shoulder. "What's going on with you? Is it about Dad?"

"Isn't it always about Dad?" I shook off his hand. I started for the house that was not a home.

He followed. "You can't let him get to you."

A cynical laugh brewed in me. "That's easy for you to say, Jake. You've always been the favorite. Even Mom loved you."

"Hey, that is not fair." He pointed at me. "I tried to be the good one. The proper one. The one they could be proud of. It's not my fault if you chose differently."

I stared at him blankly. "You mean the straight one."

Words left him as he stared unprepared for this conversation that we all avoided for so long.

I turned my back on him. "It's not your fault, you were right about that. It's Dad's."

Growing up in an all American southern house cake with a lot of pressure. Being White got you a lot of places in our world before...But if you were anything other than straight it wasn't so easy. I didn't dare compare my experience to say the Indians or Blacks or Mexicans or Middle Easterners that inhabited our country, but I had a story of my own. And I wasn't about to sit on it any longer.

I barged into my Dad's study with a big chip on my shoulder. "We need to talk."

He looked up from his meeting with Cooper. He gave a small noise of disapproval. "I'm in a meeting, Troy. Can this not wait?" He clearly didn't want to talk to me.

Cooper and I locked eyes. I motioned for him to make himself scarce.

He took the hint and rose. "We'll talk later, sir." He gave a parting look before he closed the door behind him.

I went a little closer so I made sure he could hear me.

"You've got something to say, spit it out, boy." He commanded like he was a King on his throne in that old leather chair.

My eyes searched his, looking for just one part of him that loved me. "I overheard your conversation with Nick earlier." I moved closer. "No surprise really. You are my Daddy after all. Just as bitter and sad as you've always been."

"You watch your mouth. I ain't too old to beat some sense into you."

Flashes of the leather belt across my flesh made my body chilled. The nights I tried to find comfort in Mom, she ended up shoving me away. Jake did little to help. Maybe he thought he was helping by drawing attention to himself, his perfect self in my parents eyes.

"You want to beat my disobedience out of me you go ahead and try. While you're at it why don't you tell me exactly what it is you're beating out of me?"

He hesitated. "Don't you sass me boy!"

"I'm not sassing you," My irritation bubbled. "I just want to talk about the truth for once."

His head shook. "We will not talk about this now."

My eyes flared. "Then when?!" I demanded. "When are we going to talk about how you and Mom didn't love me because I was gay?!" There was a stinging in my eyes. "You locked me out there in that box at night so I could freeze and think about the wrong I committed without having done anything!" My tears spilled over my eyes. "And that is why you told Nick to stay away from me."

His head shook it all away as if that's how it worked. "You think that boy is gonna love you?"

I wiped at my face. "You don't know him."

He laughed at me. "He feels sorry for you, son. That darkness you have inside of you, maybe he's got a little of the same, but you and I both know if that brown girl came back he'd be playing house with her out there in that home of his. He's never going to want that with you, get that through your head."

This wasn't about whether Nick wanted me or not. It was about my own Dad not thinking I was good enough to be loved.

My face trembled. I turned halfway away from him while I tried to compose myself. "Was it too much to ask for you to love me? You didn't have to like me, Dad. You just had to love me." I wiped my sleeve across my face as I rushed out.

This hurt wouldn't be fixed by putting down some No-Brainers. I needed a kind soul, one that understand what this felt like.

I wasn't really surprised when I found myself in front of Nick's door with damp eyes and a crushed spirit. My fist knocked on the door without knowing if this was a good idea.

A few seconds later he opened the door. His brown eyes roamed over my face when he saw me. He stared at me deep in my eyes for several moments, he understood, then stepped aside.

I graciously went inside.

The place looked a bit different than I remembered. He made his own. Simple but homey. Comfortable.

I didn't know where to put myself in his space. This was all new to me, relying on others to ease my pain.

He gestured to the bed. "Tea?"

I wasn't much of a tea drinker but anything to warm my insides couldn't hurt.

My head nodded. "Sure."

He rustled around in his makeshift area. The hot kettle and hot plate showed how resourceful he was. Even he didn't want to be he was built for this world. His soul grew stronger for it, I could feel that.

He looked back at me while the water heated up, he leaned against the wall. "You shouldn't let him get to you, Troy. Your better than him."

"Am I?" I met his eyes. "Or have you forgotten how we met?"

His head shook. "I haven't forgotten, trust me. Things were different back then. You were different."

Not different enough to make this all okay.

"So you don't think that if given the chance I wouldn't do it all again?" It was an honest inquiry.

He looked jolted by the question, it took him a moment to gather himself. "I think that if you were to do that now that it'd keep you up at night and that's progress." He offered a tiny smile.

My eyes went to my hands. My head shook. "This isn't funny, Nick. There's something wrong with me. I'm sick. I've always been sick."

He grabbed a chair from the table and planted himself on it backward. "If you were truly a sociopath do you think you'd be feeling any of this? Guilt. Shame. Remorse. Those are all things we're supposed to feel. You don't have to let your parents define who you are."

I gave a sour grin. "I wish it were that simple." I looked up at his eyes again. "I heard what you said to my Dad earlier. Thank you for standing up for me. Nobody else would've."

"I'm not scared of your Dad," He grinned.

I nodded. "Yeah, you called him an 'Old, dusty geezer'." I laughed. "I'm never going to forget that. The look on his face was priceless." I felt myself genuinely relax for the first time in a while. "A lot of people don't think we should be friends." I saddened a bit at the fact.

His head tilted as his brown eyed gaze deepened. "I get that feeling too. Good thing I never really cared what people thought."

I wasn't about to tell him that my Dad didn't think we were relationship material for obvious reasons and the more I was around Nick the more I realized that above all else he was there for me. He was my friend. Why would he want to be with a screw up like me? I didn't want to let my Dad's thoughts into my head but realistically, why would Nick want anything with me when he saw how damaged I was?

He handed me a mug of hot water with a tea bag. "You can stay here tonight if you want."

My brows shot up.

He laughed. "I'll keep my hands to myself. Promise."

I wasn't worried about that, but I did feel my face heat up a bit. Hopefully he thought it was from the tea I held in front of me.

"That's a generous offer but I couldn't."

He nodded. "Suit yourself." He ran his hand over his hair. "You should think about moving out."

I sipped the hot tea. "Move uptown where all the actions at?"

Amusement danced in his eyes. He leaned his elbows on the back of the chair. "I meant that there's an empty cot where my mom and Alicia are."

"Are you serious? Your mom hates me."

His head shook. "She doesn't understand you, she doesn't hate you."

I shrugged. "You and I both know she doesn't like us getting..."

His chocolate eyes scanned mine for what I was about to say.

"Close," I supplied.

"Her and your Dad will just have to get over it then."

I sipped my tea to hide my elation.

He still noticed anyway by the smile on his handsome face.

"Thanks," I said awkwardly. "I didn't know where else to go." I stared into the mug. My reflection shined back at me. "I didn't know who I was anymore. Or if I ever did."

A sigh left him that reverted into a low chuckle. "That's the thing about all of this, we always think we know who we are until we're put into challenging circumstances. I think there's a beauty in that."

My eyes settled on his. "How come you're so zen about all of this? I thought I had you figured out but I'm not so sure anymore."

He rolled up the sleeve on his shirt to reveal his tan forearm. A jagged scar I had never noticed wrinkled his skin near the crease of his right arm. "I got this when I was still using." His eyes bore into mine. "Got really high with my girl. We saw this guy tweeking. I tried to help him. Little did I know that he had a knife on him." He took a moment to gather himself. "I used to be so angry with the world, with my mom and dad, and with myself. My addiction was psychological," He pointed to his temple. "The end of the world helped me get clean. It helped my mind expand. You know, what I learned was that the enemy isn't the Infected. It's ourselves. Whatever demons we've got we have to deal with them."

A wetness filled my eyes. I gave a sad smile. "I tried facing my demons, Nick. I'm tired."

"Then we fight another day." He said as if it were as simple as that.

Guilt ebbed in me. "I can't ask you to help me with this."

His shoulders shrugged. "I wasn't asking for your permission."

All I could do was stare at him because he was proving to be an impossibly stubborn friend. And that was what I needed in my corner.

I finished the tea while we talked a bit more. "Your bed's pretty comfortable." I commented.

NICK'S POV:

I watched as Troy burrowed himself a spot on my bed. It was a nice sight.

"Yeah, it's memory foam. Got it from Amazon, Prime member and all." I joked.

He laughed at me tiredly. "Mind if I close my eyes for a sec?" He asked but he was already kind of there.

"No, not at all." I watched him fall asleep. I pulled the covers over top of him.

I wasn't opposed to getting in the bed with him but I couldn't sleep tonight if I tried, not with Troy in my bed. With my sleep messed up most days now anyway, I became a night person. I'd stay up and write, not that any of it was good. It just so happened to pass the time.

I settled into my spot at the table, I propped my feet up on the edge of the bed, my notepad and pen before me.

Before I knew it the darkness vanished into daybreak.

I grabbed a cigarette, quietly made my exit, then sat on the ground outside.

Several minutes passed of peace and quiet of the nature around me before Alicia came into view.

She walked my way with a curiosity on her face. She stopped before me, her hat shaded most of her eyes. "You seen Troy because Jeremiah's looking for him?"

We stared at each other.

"He's in there, isn't he?" She sat down beside me and motioned for the cigarette.

I passed it to her. "The whole camp doesn't have to know about this, Leesh."

She inhaled, then blew out the smoke. "Did you sleep with him?"

"God no. He came to me to talk. Whatever Jeremiah said to him last night threw him for a loop. I offered for him to stay. He's still sleeping."

She handed the nicotine back. "If he wasn't so torn up would you have?"

That was a hard question because I had never been with a man sexually. I'd kissed a few in a drug induced haze and there were always women involved. I didn't know the first thing about being intimate with a man. That didn't mean I wasn't opposed to trying, however afraid I was or wasn't. It all boiled down to timing. There was a tension between us that I think we both were beyond denying, but Troy was becoming self-aware. If he realized he needed to heal then he'd eventually realize he had to do that without any sort of romance in the mix.

"You can tell Jeremiah that his son isn't a punching bag." I put out the cigarette and pocketed it while I stood.

She seemed put off by the idea. "I'm not a messenger boy."

I looked back at her. "Let him sleep." I opened the door to escape back inside to condense the few lines I struggled with over night..

Troy eventually woke up. He looked around groggily, a tinge of color in his cheeks. He sighed and put his arm over his eyes. "Sorry for falling asleep."

"Your welcome anytime, Troy."

He sat up. "What time is it?"

I shrugged. "Probably after breakfast."

"Why didn't you wake me?" He pushed the covers off of him.

I scratched the back of the pen against my scalp. "Because you needed the rest. You look like shit. If you can't sleep in that house then you can stay here. If you don't want to stay here then find somewhere else. Anywhere else to get some peace within yourself."

He sat catty cornered on the end of the bed. "That's what you suggest? Moving out?"

"Why not? Is that pretty little room that you don't even consider a home really worth your sanity?"

"You seem to have your answer already," He let out a breath, then took me in. "How'd you sleep?" His voice laced with the question he couldn't ask.

To ease his mind, I said, "I didn't sleep. I was up writing."

"Read me something," He sensed my hesitation and added, "It'll take my mind off of things for a bit."

It was hard to say no to that. This poetry thing had very literally just come about so I wasn't keen on sharing it with just anybody. Troy wasn't anybody. He was somebody to me.

I leaned forward on my elbows and took a breath with the notebook folded back in my nervous hands. "What if I never even see you cause we're both on a stage?" My voice was a bit shaky, but luckily that didn't put him off. "Don't tell me listen to your song because it isn't the same. I don't wanna say your love is a waiting game."

He stared at me with light eyes. "Soul of a Poet, huh?" He teased. "That was...moving. Was it about Luciana?"

My head shook. "No, not exactly." I looked to the notebook. "I'm done with that. She made her decision leave. I respect that."

"I'm sorry."

Color me shocked. He never apologized for anything.

"Why are you sorry? It's not like you drove her away."

His eyes grew distant. "Maybe I did. We sure as hell didn't make her feel welcome." Remorse exuded out of him powerfully. "I can't do the hate anymore," He met my gaze again. "It's so much energy and for what? It's not like treating anyone who isn't White differently will get us anywhere? I'm glad that you and Alicia are here. You've opened up my eyes in ways I don't think I would've had the strength on my own."

All I could do was stare at him with a stupid lazy grin. He had changed quite a bit since we met. I couldn't have predicted the course of our relationship but I was glad it took the turn it did. I wanted to believe his feelings were similar to my own, still budding but definitely something there.

I leaned forward on my elbows again. "You should give yourself more credit. You don't face that bullshit everyday without something keeping you together."

He still didn't look convinced of his armor when he stood. He walked the short distance over to me, those blue eyes held a tinge of green in them in the light that streamed through the window. "Thank you for letting me stay, Nick." He looked down at me.

I stood to face him. "I meant what I said. You're welcome anytime."

There was an electric cord to us that I knew couldn't be just in my head. It had been there since the beginning and only grew stronger. One thing I really liked about him was that he was a bit taller than I was, something I wasn't used to.

His eyes slid down to my mouth for a brief moment before they met my eyes. "For sake of professionalism, I don't think that's a good idea." His tone teasing.

I laughed and moved an inch closer. "I think we passed professional a long time ago."

"Speaking of, we should probably get to work."

"Probably." I grabbed my Army fatigue jacket. "Coop's head has probably doubled with you gone." I closed the door behind us.

He cleared his throat. "He knows what's what. Besides, I told him that you two are in charge when I'm detained."

My hand grabbed his sleeve. "You did what?"

His head tilted. "Nick, you've got to admit that the men out there respect you. You've got fight half of them couldn't dream of. I don't know anyone better suited for the job."

While that was heartwarming I wasn't sure I wanted the job.

"That just means if you die that I have to do this with Coop. I didn't join your Army because I wanted to, I joined because of you."

He stopped walking, his eyes weighed down on me.

My words caught up to me.

"Because you didn't trust me?" He wanted to make sure.

I shook my head. "Maybe at the beginning it was about that. Not anymore."

His tongue darted out to lick his lips.

My eyes followed it and I felt my labido rise.

"I just don't think I would want to do this without you alive."

His eyes softened. "We've all got to die at some point."

I stared at him blankly for a few seconds, then moved forward. Unbelievable.

"Are you mad at me?" He followed with amusement in his deep voice.

"No."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to a stop. "You are."

I let out a sigh, then turned back to him. My eyes read his. "You know, when you start to care about someone and it turns out that they're okay with not being there one day it's concerning."

His brow arched as he gave a small smile. "But aren't you okay with dying too?"

He had a point there.

"I think it's cute that you're worried about me."

My eyes rolled at him, they drifted down to my hand still in his. My heart pounded in my chest, I didn't know what to do.

He stared down at me with low lidded blue eyes.

"Nick,"

We dropped our hands immediately.

My mom stood several feet away with a concerned frown. "I need to talk to you."

I scratched at the back of my neck. "Yeah, I'll be a second."

She got the hint and turned back to camp.

Troy and I looked at each other, both of us a bit flushed.

"Why don't you come over tonight?" He asked, a little nervous.

"I think it's cute when you're nervous."

He smiled, his face turned redder. "Is that a yes?"

I shrugged. "I gotta check my social calendar. Can I get back to you?" I joked.

He wasn't as amused as I was.

I still held traces of a smile on my face when I asked, "What time do you want me to be there?"

"Around eight if your busy schedule permits?"

"Nick!" Alicia called.

I was tired of being interrupted. "What?" I looked out at my mom and Alicia to find a familiar face with them.

Luciana stood with them, a backpack on her shoulder and an unsure smile.

A lot of things ran through my mind at the sight of her, I wasn't sure which emotion to focus on. What I did know was that her return was about to complicate things for me.

A/N: Nick's poem are lyrics from Banks - Waiting Game! No copyright intended. PLEASE let me know your thoughts. Not a lot of people are reading this and I would like to know if I'm wasting my time if the ship is dead because I came in so late.


	4. Save Yourself

Song for the chapter is Kaleo - Save Yourself. I've loved this song for a while now. There's also a Trick vid on YouTube by Cosmic : Troy & Nick - Save Yourself

TROY'S POV:

Having Luciana back at the Ranch was unexpected but I couldn't really be shocked. She'd come back for Nick.

Hell, I would do the same.

The look on his face held a multitude of emotions that I couldn't pinpoint. The one that finally stuck was relief. And that stuck with me.

He turned his confused eyes on me. "I, uh,"

My head shook. "It's fine."

"I'm sorry."

I ignored his gaze. "Don't." I walked away from it because I had to talk to my Dad. Even if he had nothing to do with her coming back I could bet he was chomping at the bits at her return.

He stood by himself with his food on the gate by the entrance of the Ranch.

"Are you praising your God for sending her back?"

Without looking back at me he chuckled. "Everything happens for a reason, Troy. You're better count your blessings, boy. You just got saved a lot of heartache."

My brow rose. "You think that Luciana is saving me from anything? That's not how it works."

"That's how it's going to work under my roof. No son of mine is going to let another man make him his bitch." His voice full of blind hate. He turned around with furious eyes. "The minute you engage in that kind of behavior your soul's going to Hell. It's wrong and you know it!"

I hung my head in the shame he made me feel.

He walked toward me. "That's why you're messed up because you know it's wrong," He angrily whispered even though there weren't any witnesses around for yards.

I wanted to get away from here but I didn't know where to go. Or what going out there would accomplish. I was through running away from this because if I didn't take a stand now then I wouldn't ever with him. Or anybody else that had a problem with it.

"I'm only going to say this once," I pushed back my tears. "I always needed your approval growing up because I couldn't get it from Mom. Neither of you ever did anything that suggested you actually loved me." I stepped toward him. "I didn't love myself because of you two," I didn't want to blame anyone but they were to blame. "I've never been happy or content or comfortable with anyone. And even if Nick just wants to be my friend then you're not going to stop me from having that with him. He's the only person that's ever treated me like a human and not a hand-me-down stepchild!" I got in his face. "If you try to get in the way of that again then you and I are going to have a problem."

He seemed determined not to show that he was a little afraid. He simply nodded with a laugh like this was all a game.

I backed away. "You know, just because you're not happy doesn't mean the rest of us have to go about hating our lives. I'm done with that." I was done with the conversation and him for the day.

All I wanted to do was go to my room and block out the world but that wouldn't solve anything for me, so I went to my post like I needed to. Admittedly, I daydreamed about packing a bag and going on a walk-a-bout for a bit. Nothing but open road. Sure, there were plenty of threats out there but I could handle those better. Ironically, I could handle No-Brainers better than I could my Dad or crush.

Nick arrived about an hour later, a look of exhaustion on his face. His hair went in different directions.

I tried to avoid his gaze as best I could. No part of me wanted to see a look of sympathy from him, not while I had to put on a brave face for anyone watching.

Cooper came to me with a whispered concern midway through our shift. "I had a few of the volunteers post out about a half a mile from camp as an extra precaution. They radioed that they saw something. We should take the Jeep and check it out discreetly."

A huff left me. Really I was glad for the distraction of having to train myself to not look Nick's way. It was tiring as hell.

"Alright, let's go."

We headed out.

"Aren't you going to tell your boyfriend?" He joked.

I stopped in my tracks, not at all in the mood to make light of the situation. "Don't talk about what you don't know."

He paused, then nodded.

Nick caught up to us before we went out of sight. "Where you headed?"

"Making sure everything's okay." Cooper assured. "You're good here."

He tried to meet my eyes. "I want to go." He protested.

"Too bad," I said with a little too much volume.

We stared at each other.

I tried not to show the hurt on my face but he had already seen it.

To reel in the situation, I said, "We need you here, protecting the people you care about. Now you have to think about Luciana."

He tilted his head. "Troy..."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I need you here, Nick." I turned away before the conversation could go further.

When Cooper and I got to the Jeep he gave me a knowing look.

"I get it now."

"Don't start, Coop."

We slid in.

He tapped the doorframe. "Look, I don't know nothing about dating a guy, but I think it would work the same way as dating a girl. If they're interested then you'll know it." He looked at me, his hand went to his chest. "Personally, I don't think Nick would still be at the Ranch if he didn't have feelings for you."

While that was a nice thought, I wasn't so sure I could give myself that much credit. We barely knew each other. No, that wasn't true. Nick and I knew each other on a spiritual level. We just didn't know a lot of the surface stuff.

My hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as I drove down the road. "I-I," I took a breath to form my thoughts. "I don't know what to do with Luciana back."

"Okay, well, my thing is if he liked you before he wouldn't stop just because she came back. He already knows she has a history of leaving him. Do you really think he'd be okay with picking things up where they left off?"

I supposed I hadn't thought of that but I had thought of the fact that he had a legit relationship with her. That he was willing to kill me when we first met to save her. That he only moved out into his home so they could play house. That they survived an apocalyptic journey across state borders to be together. I didn't know how to live up to that.

"I can't hold a candle to her," I admitted with a small voice.

His hand squeezed my shoulder.

I looked at him with lost eyes.

"For as long as I've known you, I've never seen you smile as much as you do with him. That may not seem like much but it's a big deal. If your feelings can't be ignored then I don't see why you shouldn't still try. Or would you rather live in regret?"

Regret.

I had a lifetime of regret already. I was tired of not being happy...but I also realized that I needed to find happiness within myself before I could expect anyone else to find it in me. That would be the responsible thing to do, to learn to love myself.

How much time did I have?

NICK'S POV:

I pulled Luciana by the hand into my house. With the door shut behind us, I turned to her.

She stared back at me with cautious eyes.

What the hell was she doing back?

"I can't tell if you're mad at me or not?"

My head tilted. "You can't tell if I'm mad? You fucking left me a note in the middle of the night! Yes, I'm mad!" I yelled at her. "You left me! After everything I did to help you live." I lowered my voice. My jaw clenched. "What are you doing back here?"

Her brown eyes that I once thought knew me so well grew shiny. "I missed you."

I stared at her hard. "You missed me?"

She nodded. "Is that so hard to believe?"

A laugh bubbled out of me, one that wasn't quite right. "Isn't that just perfect?" I turned away from here to gather myself. "The truth is I missed you too, Luc." My stomach swirled. "I couldn't stop thinking about you for days," I threw a look over my shoulder, then faced her. I took in her beauty and while it still called to me, my heart didn't beat the same way for her that it once did. "And looking at you now, I realized how much I missed you."

An unsure grin formed on her face like she knew there was a but coming.

"But I can't do this with you anymore, Luc."

Her face lowered.

I walked closer to the bed but stopped a foot in front of it with my hands under my armpits. "I've made my peace with us. You should too."

"You mean you moved on?" Her brown eyes looked up at mine with suspicion. "With Troy?"

My shock froze me into place. "Huh?"

"Troy," She stood. "You two are fucking, right?" Her eyes searched mine for honesty.

"No," I rushed to answer. "Why'd you think that?"

She gave a manic laugh. "I saw how he looked at you before I left. It hasn't changed." Her head tilted. "Or the way you care about him."

What did I say to that?

"It's okay, I guess. I was the one that left." She took a step so she was beside me. "I knew that coming back here wasn't going to go my way but I had to try." Sadness danced in her eyes. "I saw how close you were earlier and I haven't been gone that long so I know that deep down this has been going on longer than any of us realized."

"Luciana, I-"

She placed her hand on my shoulder. "I'm not mad, Nick. I'm not mad. I came back because I wanted to see you happy, just so happens that it's not with me."

How was she okay with this? If the situation were reversed I wouldn't be okay with it.

"You can stay here if you want until you figure out things."

We looked at each other, both of us realized how different our relationship would be from now on.

"I've got to go to work. Feel free to stay or roam. Just don't leave again without saying goodbye, kay?"

She nodded with a small smile.

I left her to herself and headed to patrol. I could only imagine what Troy thought of the situation. Knowing him, he'd probably want to talk about it in private. Or not at all.

Turns out I wasn't far off as I watched him and Coop head off with a mission between them.

I could curse at him. We were about to make legitimate plans to hang out, plans that I was pretty sure could be considered a date. Now he wouldn't look my way.

My foot kicked at some dirt to take out my frustrations.

Everyone stared at me when I turned around.

"Get back to work." I ordered.

I looked back in the direction they left and hoped that whatever it was that they survived.

Maybe five minutes passed by before I realized I had to go after them because if it was something with Taqa then Coop and Troy weren't the diplomats needed for the job. Plus, I was a little worried about Troy.

TROY'S POV:

We jumped out of the car at the sight before us. A few of Taqa's men had our lookout on their knees with arrows pointed at their heads.

"Fuck." Cooper cursed.

We rushed to them, but then more men came into the clearing so we halted.

Taqa stood in front of them.

"You've got nothing better to do, Taqa?"

He opened up his large arms. "You've got all this security. We were just testing it out."

"Did we pass?" I gave a cheeky smile.

He looked back at one of his men, they pulled the arrow that put down one of our scouts.

Cooper and I looked at each other.

I took a step forward. "What do you want?"

"You know what I want, Troy." He clasped his hands in front of him. He gave off a spiritual, peaceful vibe even though he was nothing but. "We want our land back. You're going to give it to me."

I smiled. "Why would I do that?"

He stared at me with disdain, then signaled for something.

Two men came into view with Nick held in their clutches, a rag tied around his head. 

My smile faded as my heart stopped. I was about to charge them but Cooper held me back.

Taqa chuckled. "Now we've got your attention."

I met Nick's eyes. A lot of unspoken words sat between us.

"We can't just give you the land." Cooper said for me. "When it comes down to it, Jeremiah has the paper with the okay on it."

Taqa's gaze fell on me. "Oh, that's too bad."

Another one of our scouts dropped dead.

One of the men holding Nick kicked him so he'd fall to his knees too. He held a gun to his head.

On instinct, I readied my rifle and aimed it at them. "You hurt him again and I'll put a bullet right between your eyes."

Cooper tried to play the peacemaker. "Why don't we just put the weapons down and talk?"

"No," I stared into Taqa's eyes. "He doesn't want peace. He wants to kill us all and sleep in our houses, eat our food. Live our lives. He doesn't want peace."

He all but agreed.

"So how about you let Nick go and you and I talk about it? Just the two of us."

His head shook. "Or we could just kill you three and head to the Ranch. They wouldn't see us coming."

My eyes slid back to Nick's. "I can't allow you to hurt the people I care about." I looked back at him, my rifle pointed at him. "I won't."

An arrow shot into my thigh.

The pain coursed through me as I dropped to one knee, but I still had my weapon readied. I wasn't ashamed that I sprayed them with bullets. Taqa was the first to flee, not totally unscathed from the bullet in his back. The one that held a gun to Nick's head was about to pull the trigger but I lit him up before he could register what was happening.

Nick was splattered with blood as he flattened to the ground.

I continued to shoot at empty air, not so they wouldn't come back, but because once I started I couldn't stop.

"Troy!" Cooper called. "We gotta go."

He pulled the gun from my hands and helped me stand.

Nick rushed to us, he took the gag out of his mouth. "You've got to be some idiot, Troy. What the hell did you do that for?"

"Don't start with me," I limped to the jeep. "Who the hell told you to come after us anyway?"

"You both are idiots, now can we talk about this later at the safety of the Ranch?" Cooper stressed. "Before they come back and kill us all." He helped me to the jeep. "Nick you drive him back. I'll do a sweep and make sure they head back to their land."

Nick got into the driver's side. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" His voice laced with concern that I never felt for Cooper.

He shook his head. "No, but I've got to do something."

I nodded at him. "See you back at the Ranch."

He didn't say anything, probably because he didn't think he was coming back. He went in his direction and we went in ours.

"This is a shit storm, Troy." Nick commented. "Why'd you shoot?"

My fist knocked into the glove compartment. "Fuck!" I replayed the mess we just made in my mind. "They killed our scouts. They were going to kill you to prove a point." I winced at the pain in my thigh. It was really uncomfortable to not apply pressure to the back of the thigh considering how tall I was in comparison to the size of the jeep. "They would've killed us."

"You didn't give them a chance. We could've worked something out with th-"

"They were going to kill you, Nick!" I yelled at him.

Our eyes locked.

He didn't understand that he was the only person I cared about. Truly and honestly. That wasn't my fault. It was everyone else's. It was his. And damn if I couldn't turn off those feelings even if he was back together with Luciana.

I tore my gaze away from him and out the window so I could focus on the pain in my leg so I wouldn't have to focus on the one in my heart.

The rest of the ride was in silence until we got back and everyone's energies were up in the air. It was overwhelming. I wanted to shut them out.

"What happened?" Madison demanded as we got out of the jeep.

I was about to tell them what I'd done but Nick intervened.

"Him and Coop went to go check things out and they were ambushed by Taqa's men. I followed to help out but they grabbed me. They killed our scouts, were about to kill me if it hadn't been for Troy." He glanced at me.

My Dad looked a mix of angry and ashamed.

I watched Alicia walk up to me with worried eyes.

She helped me to the sickbay. "You saved my brother?"

"I did what I had to do."

She dragged me along, her thoughts on her sleeve. "You know, if you hadn't been the one to go out there he wouldn't have gone after you."

I looked down at her in question.

"Maybe. Maybe not."

She gave a half laugh. "Troy, my brother doesn't do anything he doesn't want to. If he went after you it's because he wanted to." She blew out a breath once we reached the tent. "You're fucking heavy as bricks."

I was too exhausted to laugh.

Julia, the resident Doctor, tended to me. She was a tough woman in her fifties, her tough love treatment worked for our setup. The pulling of the arrow was perhaps the worst part. No, making sure my wound was clean was the worst.

I laid back on the bed, trying to hold myself together. I wasn't quite sure if things were over before they started with Nick but I wasn't a fan of having a conversation with him telling me just that. My tender heart couldn't take it.

The tent ruffled, then Nick appeared. He was still splattered with blood, not a bad look for him. He stepped inside, unsure if he should be here.

We were at that stage now.

My chest felt heavy.

Julia looked back at him. "You just gonna stand there or are you going to help?"

He raised a brow at her. "Me?"

She motioned for him to come forward. "Hold his hand. I've got to stitch him up."

"I don't need anyone to hold my hand, Julia." I told her.

She gave me a look. "I've known you since you were a boy, Troy. You used to cry every time your Daddy called me and I had to patch you up." Her voice held a semblance of love. I supposed she did love me in her own way.

I could tolerate her so there was that.

Nick came around to sit on the floor by my bed. He reached for my hand. His brown eyes weren't sure if I was okay with this.

The faster we did this the faster it would be over with so I grabbed his.

A spark traveled up my arm at the feel of his skin on mine.

My eyes went to his, I tried to get a read on where he was at in his mind but it was no use. Nick showed what he wanted to show.

Julia pinched the skin of my thigh together, then stuck the needle and thread through the skin.

I stilled at the pain. My hand held onto Nick's as tightly as I could without hurting him. I had to close my eyes to hide the tears because I feared if he saw me cry I'd open up about everything and that scared the life out of me. All I could see nowadays was my Dad's disappointment in me, his hatred. My failure at everything. No one believed in me. No one loved me like I wanted to be loved.

He squeezed back. He ran his thumb over the back of my hand.

My eyes opened to look at him with little distance between us.

"I'm here." He whispered. Even if he didn't know everything, he knew that my pain wasn't about a damn stitch job.

He was here. Not like how I wanted him to be.

The tears leaked over, I tried to cut off my emotions like I was so used to doing. Only I couldn't with Nick here. I turned my head away from him and I broke down. I changed my mind, if the world couldn't tell I was gay then I didn't have to be. My Dad would love me if I was normal.

He leaned forward so he could press his chin into my shoulder. "You can't hide from me, Troy."

All I wanted to do was save myself from these feelings, from potential and definite heartache. From opening up to people. From the realization that once I cared about people I would lose them anyway. It was the world we lived in, even before the end of civilization as we knew it. How did people do this? Every day, all day. Constant worrying and excitement. It was draining. It was anxiety. And I wasn't sure I was ready for any of it.

My hand held onto his even more because I was even more afraid of regressing, of not feeling anything for anybody.

When Julia was finished she gave me instructions on how to keep it clean and to stay off of it for a while.

I pulled myself together.

"I'll make sure he does." Nick assured her.

He handed me a rag.

I let go of his hand to wipe my face off. That was so embarrassing.

"I'll leave you two alone." She looked between us.

I was about to tell her it wasn't necessary but Nick told her, "Thanks." I sat up on the bed.

He stared at me hard and heavy. Fear in his warm, brown eyes.

I had to look away. "If we weren't tired before we sure as hell will be now." I tried to stand but pain shot through my leg. "We have to round up everyone and get as many people on board with shifts as possible. Spare every weapon we have." I caught my breath as I met his gaze.

"I don't give a damn about that right now," He stood. "I give a damn about you."

My heart warmed. I couldn't help the smile that wanted to come but I could push it back.

"I'm fine. We need to make sure that everyone is equipped."

He leaned down, his hands pressed into the bed while he evaded my space. "You're not fine, Troy. You can't hold this shit in. It will not end well."

My eyes ran over his bloody face. I still very much wanted to reach forward and kiss him. I tried to bury that desire because I was wrong before. I didn't want to hide who I was but I needed to for once feel the love of a parent so I could get better.

"You don't have to be ashamed of who you are or what you want out of life, Troy."

I nodded but I didn't believe the words that came from him. My breath felt short and I started to struggle for breath. The tears that had subsided made a comeback. I felt suffocated by emotion.

"He won't love me otherwise."

He stared at me as he finally put the pieces together.

My head dropped as I started to sob. I was a monster.

He sat on the bed and pulled me to him. "You don't need him."

After all of this, I needed something.

"You don't get it." I pulled away. "I've been this way always. It's not something new that just happened. I've been punished because of it my whole life, beaten and neglected. I have to try. I've got to do something."

He cocked his head to the side. "You mean fake being straight?"

I shushed him.

He lowered his gaze as he shook his head. "You may be a lot of things, Troy, but you're not a faker. You have to know that there's nothing wrong with liking who you like." He looked up at me with faith in his eyes. "You know that what you feel isn't wrong."

Was he talking about us?

Could I take that chance?

Someone approached with a string of Spanish. Luciana rushed inside. Her worry for Nick was as big as the tent.

"You're okay?" She asked.

I wiped at my face while they were distracted.

"I'm fine." He went to her for a hug.

As I struggled to stand I watched them, I tried to bury the jealousy. I couldn't help the slight resentment at Nick for preaching to me about what to feel when he was snuggled up with her when we were close to having something. I knew we were.

I headed for the exit with a limp.

"We'll talk later," He told her. "Hey, where are you going?" He called after me.

I turned to him. "To do what needs to be done." I was about to leave when I looked back and said, "Don't worry about tonight." I left before anything more could be said.

NICK'S POV:

I watched him leave, I knew in the back of my mind that he needed time to figure out who he was or wanted to be before I got involved, but I also felt our energy whenever we were around each other. Almost like vibrations.

"What happened?" Luciana asked.

I looked at her and huffed.

After I cleaned myself up, I joined the others at the Ranch meeting. I was all wound up and itching to give him a piece of my mind. From what I understood, Jeremiah despised his son because of his actions but he was the one that drove him to do so. He made the monster he hated. Troy wasn't a monster, he was still a scared little boy that sought approval from his parents. He realized that acting out would get him some attention, not the attention he wanted, but it was still attention. He wasn't loveless. He craved it but didn't know how to go about asking for it because he was taught that his love was bad and his hatred was good.

My heart broke for him.

"If it's a war they want, it's a war they'll get." Jeremiah announced. "We will show them that this land is ours now! Resist and they'll die!"

Everyone hooped and hollered in agreement.

I couldn't help the roll of my eyes.

Luciana rubbed my back. "He's just as crazy as when I left."

I looked at her. "You have no idea." I spotted Troy watching us.

He averted his gaze and stepped forward to speak. "Like many of you, we didn't go looking for a fight. They've brought the fight to us too many times to ignore. We show them that we're not afraid and we're not going anywhere!"

My mom nodded in agreement. "This is our home!"

Alicia and I looked at each other in disapproval. When did it all get so violent? Maybe it was always that way and we tricked ourselves into thinking otherwise.

"We've tolerated their attacks for too long, now we have to show them who they're dealing with!" Troy said with vigor.

No one was wrong here. We had to do what he had to do in order to live, but at what point did we lose ourselves past the violence and shift into something else? As I watched him I knew that he used this situation and probably many others to let himself feel whatever he was feeling, using the anger to work through his misfortune.

"We do what needs to be done." His eyes fell on mine for a brief second before he looked away.

I turned my back on them and walked away.

Luciana followed. "Maybe you should go talk to him."

"He knows what he's doing." I insisted.

Her hand pulled on mine to stop me. "I may not know Troy as well as you, but I've never seen him as vulnerable as he was in that tent with you."

"Why are you pushing this?" I asked irritated.

Her arms folded across her chest. "I told you, I wanted to see you happy. Even if it wasn't with me. I've been thinking all day that I came back for a reason. This reconnection I was looking for may not be the one I wanted, maybe it's supposed to take a different form between us."

Considering that friends would be all that we would be moving forward I felt that she was right.

"Nick," My mom caught up to us with Alicia once we were about to step inside the house.

We turned the to them.

My mom smiled at us. "I'm glad you're back, Luciana."

She nodded. "Gracias." She gave a kind grin.

"It's nice to see you two back together."

Here we go.

I stepped forward. "We're not together, Mom."

Her happiness faded as she looked between us. "But I thought..." She gave me a worried look. "Is this about Troy?"

Alicia shook her head and looked away.

Luciana gave an incredulous laugh. "You weren't kidding. No one wants you to be together." She made her way inside the house.

I walked the rest of the way to them. "I never figured you for a bigot, Mom. Not with Strand as your friend."

Her eyes widened. "I'm not. It's just that Troy isn't right for you. He's dangerous."

I gave a sour laugh. "You agreed with everything he said a minute ago. By that logic, you're dangerous."

She looked at Alicia for help.

Alicia held her hands up. "I'm staying out of this."

I looked into my Mom's eyes. "For once in your life could you be happy with the decision I've made?"

Troy definitely had it worse than I did growing up, but I could relate to not being good enough for your parents, the constant judging, the nearly perfect sibling that did everything right.

Tears sprung to her eyes. "Why with Troy? What does he have to offer you, honey?"

I could see it from her perspective, I'd be worried about me too, but I couldn't explain to her how emotionally connected I felt when I was with him. Or how when we were together I felt like we'd tapped into the same frequencies, like we were vibrating together on our own plane. Or how I needed and wanted to help get him to the place where he so desperately wanted to be, somewhere happy and sure of himself.

"I'm sorry that you don't approve of Troy, but it's not up to you who I spend my time with."

"This is about more than spending time with him. You want to be with him." There was mild disgust in her voice. I was almost sure that it wasn't because I was into a guy, but because of the horrors she'd seen him do. She just needed more time to understand him. "How?" She continued on. "How could you want to be with him when Luciana is right in there?"

Alicia let out a low groan that grew. "Oh, for fuck's sake, Mom! Can you just butt out of our lives for once? Can you let us be happy and make our own decisions? So what if his thing with Troy is a mistake? It's his mistake to make!"

My eyes widened at her.

"Just like how it's my mistake to be with Jake if I want. So no more little comments, please." She huffed, then marched away.

My Mom crumbled at her emotions.

I couldn't stop myself from going to her.

"I just want you both to be happy and safe." She cried into my chest.

I nodded. "We know...but you have to let that be up to us."

When dinner came the four of us ate together in an attempt at peace.

"I'm sorry." My mom apologized. She grabbed Alicia's hand and mine. "I didn't meant to make you feel like I was judging you. I love you both, no matter who you love." Her gaze fell on me. "Even if it's someone I don't approve of."

"We really appreciate that, Mom." Alicia voiced for us.

I knew she would always love me no matter what, but I had been a little worried that she'd pull back about Troy and I, so I felt a little relieved that I still had her on my side when Travis and my Dad were gone.

"Where is Troy?" Alicia asked.

I looked for him the entire dinner but he never showed.

"You can take the bed. I'll sleep on the floor." I offered to Luciana when we turned in for bed. I remembered too late that I offered Troy the same thing but I didn't think he'd take me up on it. He seemed detached anyway.

She shook her head. "I'm not letting you sleep on the floor."

"Are you sure?"

Her eyes rolled, she patted the space beside her.

With the lights turned off I tried to turn my brain off but it wasn't that easy. No position was comfortable. Nothing eased my mind enough so I could fall into the dream state.

Luciana pushed my shoulder with a huff. "Go to him, Pendejo."

I caught myself before I fell out of bed. "What?"

She sat up. "You obviously can't sleep without clearing the air so go to him."

"He said he didn't-"

"He lied." She interrupted. "He probably thinks that we're together again so that probably scared him off."

Shit.

I pushed the covers off of me and readied myself to leave.

The entire walk I tried to talk myself out of it but I couldn't deny that I wanted to see him.

TROY'S POV:

I tossed and turned as much as my leg would allow. I counted sheep. I tried turning off my mind but nothing worked. All I could think about was how the shot of happiness I thought I had was obliterated.

"Oh, fuck."

I sat up at the noise.

A sound of heavy breathing came closer.

I looked at my open window and grabbed the gun from under my pillow.

Nick came into view as he pulled himself through the window.

"What are you doing here?" I stood, completely shocked at the sight before me. My face felt hot.

He caught his breath against the wall. "We had plans,"

"Yeah but I thought I said-"

"I wanted to see you," He cut me off. "Just because Luciana is back doesn't mean that's not true."

I nodded but I was still unsure about a lot of things. "You sure?"

"Would I be here if I wasn't?"

I shrugged. "I think you're just as crazy as I am."

His lips spread into a grin. "I think I've proven I like crazy."

I shared a lot with him today and somehow a simple smile felt like too much, but I couldn't hold it back.

"Why don't you show me around the place?"

My eyes narrowed. I let out a nervous laugh. "Okay, this is my Nancy Drew collection." I showed him my bookcase.

He browsed the titles. "Wow, a Gossip Girl book. How are you not flaming?"

I laughed. "Maybe in another life."

He stared at me with those eyes that scared me.

To get away from them, I limped to the few CD's I had before everyone started buying everything online.

"I had a Mazzy Star phase. Thought I was someone I wasn't." I turned her CD's over in my hands. "I should've left this place a long time ago." I looked at him.

He was so close and smelled like the outdoors and Nick.

I put on her 'So Tonight I Might See' album. 'Fade into You' played in the background.

"I'm glad you didn't." He said.

I grinned. "Yeah, me too." I cleared my throat. My telescope was the first thing I saw for a distraction. "Do you want to look out of it? Tonight's a good night."

 

NICK'S POV:

I nodded to please him.

He was beyond nervous and it was really cute. He bent down to position it at what he wanted me to see. "Ah. Here." He backed away.

I positioned my eye with the eyepiece as he talked about the stars that took my breath away. "Wow."

"They're breathtaking, aren't they? I spent many nights searching for answers in them."

I stood up and was about to say something but stopped when the moonlight hit his intense blue eyes and as the music played around us I couldn't remember what it was that I wanted to say. My eyes drifted to his mouth. I took the chance and inched forward to test his reaction. My eyes locked on his for any sign of objection. When I didn't get any, I moved forward until my lips pressed into his testingly.

We stood stock still for a few heart-pounding seconds before his lips tugged on mine, then we pulled apart to breathe and assess the situation.

I was about to say something when he grabbed my face and continued to kiss me with the company of the moonlight and Mazzy Star around us.

A/N: Chapter 5 will probably be out in another week because my busy days are coming up. Also started True Blood, I'm on season 4. Totally down for Eric and Sookie. No spoilers please. Let me know how you liked this chapter below please. :)


	5. Safe Inside

The song for this chapter is James Arthur - Safe Inside 

 

TROY’S POV:

I watched Nick watch the stars and prayed that he felt the same way I did about them. 

He stood with something to say, but cut himself short as he stared at me. 

My heart pounded erratically because I knew the look he had in his eyes, it was the same look I had in mine while looking at him lately. 

He moved closer, closer than he had ever been, and we’d been pretty close a few times. 

I froze when his lips touched mine. Part of me had hope that this would happen, but the self-sabotaging part thought I was an idiot for wanting it. 

The kiss was brief, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel it down to my toes. Was it too good to be true?

We pulled apart after a few seconds.

From the soft look in his brown eyes, I knew it hadn’t been an error on his part. So I slid my hand over his cheek and leaned down the short distance to press my mouth to his for more.

His lips worked against mine. 

I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. 

Although we were far from perfect, it felt like at that moment we were. Even with my family drama, with Luciana being back, with my self-destruction hanging over us. Because it was hanging over us, ready to crash down at any moment. 

His hands slid down my stomach, then gripped my hips to pull me closer. 

I groaned into the kiss when he rubbed him semi-erection against mine. “Nick.” I said against his lips. 

He worked his mouth down my throat to the crook in my neck. His grip on my hips tightened when I slid against him. 

I couldn’t take it and pushed us against my desk, which was extremely painful with my thigh injury, but I’d felt pain for so long that it was easy to ignore when he made me feel like my chest was expanding with an emotion that I wasn’t sure I ever felt. 

“Your leg,” He looked up when he realized I was using it a lot with our activity at hand. His eyes filled with concern. 

“What leg?” I took his mouth in mine and slid my tongue in to deepen it. My hand held the back of his neck, I hunched over to accommodate him as he sat on the desk.

He responded by cupping my hardon through my sweatpants. 

I stilled. “Fuck.” I looked into his eyes. 

A cheeky grin played on his lips. “Is that for me, Troy?” He moved his hand up and down. He stood with my junk still in his hand. “I’ve done this one other time, but I think I need a refresher.” He grabbed my sweats, pulled them down, then pushed me down on the desk while he got to his knees. 

My cock was a mix of hot and cold from the air and his breath playing on it. All the blood in my body seemed to have rushed to the head with his mouth so close to it. I wasn’t asking him to do this, so I had to assume he wanted to. 

I still asked, “You don’t have to, N-” My protest was cut short by the warm, wet welcome of his mouth. I watched as he slid as much as he could into his throat. “Fuuuck.” My hands braced the edge of the desk. I clenched my abs to balance me. 

He looked up at me and revealed in how much I enjoyed myself. His hands dug into my hips. 

The wet friction drove me crazy. My hand slid through his hair to get a grip. I couldn’t help working my hips in time with his mouth. From his moan of delight, he consented. 

“Nick, I’m going to cum in your mouth if you keep going.” I warned. 

He pulled me out of his throat.

There was a loud knock on my door. 

My body coursed with adrenaline.

We froze. 

“Troy,” My Dad said. “Is someone in there with you?”

Nick and I looked at each other in panic.

He knocked again. “Troy, open the door.” 

Nick quietly rose. 

I gestured to the closet. 

He gave me a look with a raised brow.

My arms opened to signal we were out of options. 

Another bang.

Nick hurried to the closet.

I shut the door behind him and pretended to look like I was just waking up when I opened the door. 

My Dad barreled in, his gaze ran around the room.

“What the hell are you doing?” I put on a sleepy voice.

He looked at me. “I heard voices in here, I know I did.” He looked down at the tent in my pants in suspicion. 

I huffed. “I was masturbating, is that what you wanted to hear?” 

He stared at me in mild disgust. “Thinking about that boy?” 

My face heated up. “Who I think about during that is not your concern.”

“The hell it is. I already told you, I ain’t having no fagot in this house.”

I stared at him tiredly so he’d leave. Really, I wanted to push him out my room, out of my life. Nick would forever remember this along with the first time we kissed. I hated my Dad for that. 

He handed me a miniature copy of The Bible. “You do what you have to. It’s never too late to ask for forgiveness.” He left with a parting look. 

I closed the door behind him forcefully. I threw the holy book against the wall as my emotions swirled. 

The closet door opened. Nick walked out with knowing eyes. He stared at The Bible, then back at me.

I couldn’t even look at him, I was so embarrassed. My eyes fluttered with a wetness. 

He neared me. 

I stepped back. 

“Troy,” He whispered. 

My eyes met his. “I’m sorry. You should go.” I insisted. 

He stared at me. “Is that what you really want?”

I nodded. “Yeah.” 

He started for the door.

“Nick?”

He looked back with a bit of hope in his eyes. 

“Can you go out the window?” I felt like shit asking but it would be even worse if my Dad caught him sneaking out downstairs. I wanted to protect him from that hatred and insecurity when he didn’t have it.

Without a word, he crept out of the window as carefully as he could. He didn’t look my way and I couldn’t blame him. He just didn’t understand that I needed a relationship with my Dad more than I needed him.

Once again alone, I sat on my bed and flopped back. My hands ran up and down my face. I fucking hated this. 

 

NICK’S POV: 

Kissing Troy was like the first rush of plea

sure I got when I used, the dopamine that flooded my body because I knew what was about to come. 

We tested the boundaries of our dominance, which would be new for the both of us. 

Oh, God. He fucking smiled while I kissed him. 

I really liked that a lot. So much so that I dropped to my knees for him, something I wasn’t expecting myself to do. Hell, I still wasn’t quite sure why I did it. I wouldn’t take it back, but I could’ve waited until things had progressed a bit more, but I wasn’t going to slut-shame myself. It happened. 

When Jeremiah came to the door, I could feel Troy emotionally pull back and it hurt knowing that I couldn’t do anything about it. He was hurting because of his joke of a father. I figured I’d stay with him a bit, maybe we’d just slow things down and talk, but then he asked me to leave. There wasn’t much of a choice that I had. Truthfully, I couldn’t blame him. I wasn’t happy with the decision he made, but witnessing Jeremiah’s hatred for us I could see where Troy was coming from. That didn’t mean I had to like it. Maybe I was expecting too much too fast but I wasn’t expecting to feel like shit when I left.

The walk back to my house was quiet, save for the backdrop of nature. I tried to think of what I could do to make this easier for Troy if we even needed to work on a relationship. It looked like a friendship would be the best route. At least, until he could figure out what he wanted. There was no time limit on self-healing. Lord knows I took my time when I had to wean off of the drugs. 

I grabbed the last of my cigarettes and headed out to the trees not too far away. The thought of trying to sleep was laughable. Luciana would kick me out of my bed. 

A small laugh left me. I leaned against a tree and let the smoke work through my lungs, then pushed it out. My eyes went up to the bright balls of burning rocks and dust. Maybe it would be easier Troy’s way, the not feeling way. Could save me a lot of heartache. 

The click of a gun caught my attention.

Taqa inched closer through the trees. He held the weapon steady. 

My stomach seized. “Wow.” I held my hands up, the cigarette fell to the ground. “I thought you were shot in the back...”

He grimaced at me. “I was by your boy, Troy.” He stood in front of me until he had the barrel of the gun pressed against my forehead. 

“So you’re going to kill me now, huh?” 

“I could,” His cold eyes looked into mine. “But I need you to get what I want.” 

Before I could ask how I would get him anything he knocked the end of the gun into my head, then I fell into the darkness. 

Sometime later I came to with a bag over my head. I struggled but my hands tied behind my back with rope. The moments before I blacked out flooded me. 

The mumble of voices drifted to me. 

“I can’t see.” I alerted in a sing-songy voice. 

Several seconds later the bag was pulled off my head. 

A few men I didn’t recognize stood with Taqa in front of them. “What the hell is this?” My wrists squirmed but the ropes only dug into my skin. “I’m not telling you anything.”

Taqa pulled up a chair and sat in front of me. “Are you thirsty?” He gestured for something.

One of his men came up with a bucket of water and dosed me with it. From having to close my eyes, I didn’t see the fist coming at my face. 

My head was knocked back and forth well after I tasted blood and spat it out. A manic laugh left me. “Is this how you treat all your guests?” My eyes started to swell.

Taqa sat back in his chair, relaxed because he held all the power here. “We’re being welcoming.” He gave a tiny grin. “You know why you’re here, Nick.”

Water slid down my body, I licked my swollen bottom lip. “Not really. In case you forgot, we just got to the Ranch a few weeks ago. I don’t know how useful you expect me to be.”

“Considering Troy shot us up for you, I’d say you’re very useful. And you know it.” 

I leaned my head back and laughed. “The fuck are you talking about?” 

He shot up to grasp me by the shirt, his face was directly in front of mine. “You know exactly what I’m talking about,” He stressed. 

This was hilarious.

“So you think that because Troy and I are friends that he’s going to give you anything you want? Fat chance in Hell, Taq.”

He punched me across the face. “Don’t call me that.” 

I laughed some more, I just couldn’t stop. “Even if Troy wanted to, he couldn’t defy Jeremiah. Your taking me proves nothing. He’s not going to come for me. No one's going to come for me.”

A devilish grin came forth. “I’m counting on it.” He looked back at the others, then at me. “We’ll have plenty of time to play.” He sat back in the chair. 

The door to the right of us opened and in walked an old, familiar face with streams of light behind her. 

“Ofelia?” 

I thought she was dead.

She stilled when she saw me. “Nick?”

Taqa looked between us. “You know each other, I take it.”

She stared at him. “This is your pawn?” She handed him the big jar she carried. “He’s a lot stronger than you think.” She looked at me and backed away.

“Ofelia-” 

She hurried out of the room. 

“What did you do to her?” I strained against my restraints. 

His thick brown arched. “Don’t tell me, you two had a history?” 

I thought back on our time together over the torment of the first few weeks of the end of the world...We had something. Was never really sure what it was.

“Is there anyone that doesn’t want to sleep with you?”

What? 

“So, Nick, I have a proposal for you.” He leaned forward on his knees. “You help us do this small thing and we’ll leave you and your family alone.” 

To entertain him, I asked, “What small thing?” 

His dark eyes stared into mine as calm as day. “You kill Jeremiah for us.”

My mouth pursed in thought. “Hmm, I’m going to have to say no to that.” 

He nodded. “I thought you might say that.”

“To killing a man, yeah.” I was yet again amused. “How did you think this whole thing would go?” 

He stood, towering menacingly over me. He grabbed my wet hair and yanked back hard so that my mouth would open, then he poured in whatever acidic and earthy liquid that was in the jar. “In a few minutes your muscles will all flex and you’ll be in a semi-state of paralysis thanks to the scorpions running around here.”

Panic set into me. My eyes widened.

“But wait, there’s more.” He said joyously. “Because I like you, I mixed in some of my favorite hallucinogen. Ayahuasca.” 

I knew I was in trouble. Either of those could do damage, but together I was about to go on a trip that I couldn’t escape. Being tied to a chair was one thing, being paralyzed to said chair was another. And being stuck in a trip that lasted hours and was originally supposed to be guided by Shamans...was just one pile of shit.

“What does doing this prove?” I asked before the toxin could kick in. Then seconds later I couldn’t move a muscle.

His chuckle zeroed in on me. “You’ll see what you’ll see then I believe you’ll do the right thing.” He leaned down to whisper in my ear. “Or I’ll kill Troy and your family, and that pretty little Mexicana that likes you so much.”

I wanted to fight back, but I couldn’t move. Dread filled me. 

“Please don’t.” 

At this point, I knew I had no cards at all. Killing Jeremiah wouldn’t be that bad or that hard. He was a terrible influence on the people of the Ranch and on his sons. He could be taken out and I doubted that anyone would shed a tear. Except for Troy. He thought he needed his father to love him in order to move forward with his life when he didn’t, but I wasn’t the one to tell him that. He’d have to figure it out on his own. 

But if it came down to Jeremiah and everyone I cared about, Jeremiah was already dead. 

Someone came behind me and cut a lose my ropes, but it wasn’t like it would do any good.

“We’ll give you some time to think about it.” He patted my face before him and his men exited. 

I was left alone for hours maybe. Or minutes. Or one second. All of a sudden, I threw up on myself because I couldn’t move. Not too long after, the room started to work in impossible ways. 

 

TROY’S POV:

I was no stranger to insomnia. When Nick left I thought about going after him a dozen times but it wouldn’t do any good. I was far messed up than he was. We didn’t talk about it much, but Nick wasn’t without faults. He was an addictive personality, he was susceptible to stronger personalities. I feared that he’d latch onto my Dad’s ethics when I first met him, but he didn’t. 

The Bible weighed heavy in the room until I finally grabbed it and read through it. I didn’t feel a higher sense of understanding about why I was the way that I was. Or an overwhelming love that made me feel whole. I wondered if I ever felt whole would I know what it was because I had never felt it before. 

Well after dawn broke I was fed up with the non-answers I got and threw the book in the trash. I couldn’t sit cooped up here forever to avoid Nick. 

It around lunch when I made my way outside. The thought of seeing him hate me after last night planted me on the porch for longer than I liked to admit. 

Alicia came over with her gallon of water, a teasing smile on her face. “Late night?” 

I was too exhausted to play this game. 

“What did Nick tell you, Alicia?” 

Her head shook. “He didn’t tell me anything. Luciana told me he went to go see you last night.” Her eyes held suggestion. “Did you guys...?”

My face flushed. “No,” I stared back at her. “We didn’t.” I tried to keep the longing from my voice. “We didn’t.” 

She came closer. “So what did you do?”

“My God, you don’t have a filter do you?” 

She grinned. “No, not really. Besides, you did something to keep him up there that long.”

My forehead creased. “He’s not up there. He left last night.” 

Her grin faded. “Coop said he hadn’t seen him all morning. So if he’s not with you or Luciana, where is he?” 

We stared at each other in worry. 

“It’s Nick, he’s probably wondering somewhere in the woods.” Even as I said it I felt that it wasn’t true.

We looked around the Ranch as quietly as possible, then realized we needed more hands on deck, ones that we could trust. 

I knocked on Nick’s door.

Luciana answered, a little surprised to see us. She had a backpack on her shoulder. “Hi.”

“Where are you going?” Alicia asked. “You’re leaving?”

My eyes narrowed at her. She hurt Nick once and she was about to do it again.

“No, I’ve had a worried pit in my stomach all day. I can feel that he’s not here. That’s why you two came to me.” She pushed through us. “Are you two coming?” 

“Wait,” I walked toward her. “What if he’s really just on a walk or something?”

Her dark brow lifted at me. “Do you really feel like he’s on a walk?” 

My head shook. I wasn’t sure what to believe, but I did know that if anything happened to him then I couldn’t promise that all my progress wouldn’t be washed away. 

“Let’s go find him.” 

Alicia grabbed my shirt and pulled me back. “Do you think this has anything to do with what happened yesterday?”

It wasn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility. 

“He was smoking here.” Luciana told us.

We turned to her. 

She held a cigarette that had to be Nick’s because no one else here smoked. I always wondered where he got them.

I snatched the cigarette out of her hand to inspect it as if it would tell me anything about what had happened here. 

“You didn’t hear anything?”

Her eyes held speculation. “Are you saying this is my fault?”

My forehead creased. “What? No. I’m just trying to think of anything that can help us. If Taqa has Nick then he’s going to get what he wants.”

“You’re willing to give the Ranch over?” She asked incredulously.

I wasn’t partial on it and this place had never really felt like home. Home was where the heart was apparently. I didn’t have much heart here. 

“Nick got caught up in a war that has nothing to do with him.” I looked between her and Alicia. “I’m not used to caring about anyone really,” My eyes fell to the ground as I continued. “I care about Nick. I think he’s my only friend.”

Alicia placed her hand on my back. “He’s not the only person here for you.”

I looked down at her. “Thanks.”

“We’ll find him.” She promised. 

Luciana’s gaze weighed heavy on me. 

I met her eyes. “What?”

We started searching for more clues.

“If you hurt him then we’re going to have problems.” 

While I understood the threat for what it was, I couldn’t make any promise not to hurt Nick when all I seemed to do is hurt people.

“Too late.” I told her.

 

NICK’S POV: 

Colors manifested from faces I weren’t sure were there. My heartbeat thumped loudly I’m my ears. There was nothing but panic inside of me. 

The door opened and in cake Ofelia with the brightest sunlight streaming behind her. Her skin glowed like a terra-cotta. 

“Nick, here.” She pressed a bowl to my mouth. “Drink.”

I couldn’t move my head. “I feel stuck.” The words came but it felt like I had no control over them. “Why’d you do this to me?” 

Her cold hands grabbed my face. “I’m trying to help you now.” She tipped the bowl back so it could slide down my throat. “I can’t let you go but hopefully this will make your trip shorter.” 

A stiff cough wracked my body. “What it is?” 

“You wouldn’t understand even if I told you.” 

She had a point.

“Do you want me to sit with you?” She tilted my head down. “I could move you somewhere else.”

I didn’t want to be touched but I couldn’t sit in this chair for hours. “Please.” 

Somewhere between the transit to the floor and my laying down, I felt myself slip deeper into the realm of disbelief. 

Ofelia placed my head on her lap. I remembered a time where I thought I liked her but it never worked out. She had been too good for me. Luciana had been in the right place at the right time. And Troy...Well, Troy had been two shades of fucked up that I could relate to. I hadn’t expected things with him to progress that way, but they had. 

Darkness overtook the room and suddenly I wasn’t there. Complete and utter blackness surrounded me as I stood in this cold plane of existence. “Hello?” My voice echoed. Loneliness manifested in me. “Hello?” I turned around and walked for what seemed like forever but nothing changed. “Somebody?” I feel to my knees with crushing despair. “Anybody?” My voice cracked. I wrapped my arms around myself. “I don’t want to be here.” Tears clouded my eyes. “I want to go back.” 

Silence surrounded me. 

My hands ran back and forth through my hair. “Somebody...Love me.” I cried while I rocked back and forth. “I don’t want this.”

“Nick,” A familiar voice called. 

I opened my eyes and searched until I found it. “Dad.” I stood up. 

The last time I saw him was before the second to last time I was in rehab. We hadn’t left things on good terms, something I’d always regret. 

He was several feet away but he flickered in and out. “Son.”

“Dad, what are you doing here?” I moved toward him, but the closer I seemed to move the farther away he went. “Dad?”

“I can’t stay long,” He flickered again. “I wanted to talk to you while I had the chance.” 

My head shook. “I don’t understand. Talk to me about what?” 

He stared at me like I was the mirage. “You were always a wandering soul, son. I envied that about you. Even when you were lost.”

A wry laugh left me. “I’m still lost. Why do you think I’m here?” 

“Because you feel lonely.” He gestured to me. “You’re wondering if you close off your heart will it get easier?”

It had thought that earlier.

“How’d you know that?” 

“Did you think I stopped looking out for you because I died?” His grin a soft, caring one that I hadn’t seen on him in a very long time, probably since I was young.

My shoulders shrugged. “I thought you wouldn’t care, I don’t know.” 

In an instant, he was in front of me. “Now you know I never stopped, Nicholas.” His form stabilized so he could touch my shoulder. 

A warm, comforting sensation watched over me. The feeling I only got when I was around Troy. My eyes went to my Dad’s.

“I came here to pass on the message.”

“What message?” I stared at him with hungry eyes. “From who?”

His hand released another wave of euphoria inside of me. “Your enemy is in sheep’s clothing. Don’t confuse them with the sheep in enemy’s clothing.”

My forehead creased. “Huh?” 

“You’ll understand soon enough.” He started to flicker in and out again. “Trust your heart and not your head.” 

“What does that mean?” I tried to reach out for him but my hand sliced through air like he wasn’t even there. “Why don’t you just tell me what you’re talking about?”

His head shook. “You have to discover this on your own. It’s your walk, Nick.”

“Is this about Taqa?” When he didn’t say anything, I asked, “Troy then?” 

A small grin found his face. “You like him.” 

I stared at him. I guess he saw everything. “Yeah,” I admitted to him. “I do. He’s different.” I gave a confused look. “I can’t figure out if we could work or not.” 

He nodded. “Risk and reward, I’m afraid.” 

My eyes narrowed at him. “You already know how this is going to play out, don’t you?”

He nodded once more. “I do, son.” He gave an assuring smile. “But you didn’t hear anything from me.” He winked. 

Disbelief filled me at his basic confirmation that whatever it was that Troy and I had would go the distance. At least, that’s what I thought he was getting at. 

Hell, I didn’t even know if this was real. Or, if like a dream, I wouldn’t remember it. 

Just like that, my mood plummeted.

“Can you take me back?”

“I’m afraid I can’t. You have to pull yourself out of your darkness.” 

My head lowered. Tears filled my eyes. I shook my head. “I don’t know if I can.” 

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that the urge to start using again hadn’t hit a few times. Luckily, there was nothing hardcore around to get hooked on. 

“Remember who you are, son.” He started to flicker faster and before anything more could be said he was gone.

I stared at the emptiness, the space between atoms until I thought I would lose my mind. “Help.” I muttered with little faith that I’d ever get out of here.

A light shined through the darkness, I was awed by it. Someone came through it. 

“Hello?” I walked toward them. 

They lagged a bit. Someone else came in behind them.

I was about to ask who they were when I got closer but then I saw how mangled and decayed they were. I jumped back as they lunged for me. “No.” I turned on my heels and ran.

More piled in through the light until I was surrounded by death. 

“Nick!” 

Troy stood before me with an aura of white all around him. He had never looked more at peace. “You’re okay.” His calming energy flowed into me like my Dad’s had. 

I wrapped myself around him, every fear and doubt I had washed away. 

His laughter echoed around us in the most beautiful way. “You’re safe.” 

I quickly pushed us a few feet back because I could feel the Infected on our heels. “We have to run.”

“No,” His blue eyes even glowed. “No more running.”

They closed in on us.

“Troy,” I yanked on his arm.

He held his other out, light radiated from his palm. The light sliced through the death around us, which brightened the black void that was my mind prison. 

Our eyes met. 

I’d never felt more drawn to him before. 

He held his hand in the air, his light still beaming from it.

My hand met his with barely a centimeter of space between us. The transfer of energy lit up my arm slowly until I glowed as he did. “How’d you do that?” I asked in amazement.

He simply smiled. “You taught me.” 

I could feel my brow raise. “I taught you?” 

He was about to speak but then he was just gone. My contentment left along with him. I was yet again surrounded by darkness.

“Troy?” I called out. “Troy!” I yelled into the void. “Don’t leave me.” I begged and begged. 

My eyes fluttered open and I was pushed out of the void at an alarming rate.

“Nick,” 

I glanced into a pair of blue eyes, then my gaze traveled down a mouth. “Troy?” I reached out to test the mirage. “Are you really here this time?” I could barely move my head. “Ofelia, is he really here?”

She whispered something into his ear. 

Concern wrinkled his forehead. “Come on, I got you.” He picked me up in his arms. 

Ofelia opened the door for us. The Sun had fallen to be replaced by the Moon.

I watched him clench his jaw in pain as we wobbled. “Your leg.”

His blue eyes slid to mine. He didn’t say anything, he just kept on walking.

The motion made my stomach turn again and I couldn’t keep whatever contents that were left down. I tried to apologize but any attempt was cut off by the wave of sleepiness that hit me like a brick. 

“Don’t apologize.”

My eyes drifted closed as I rested my head against his warm chest. 

“You’re safe now.” His words were last I heard before I slipped into an actual dream state. 

 

A//N: Thanks for reading! If you feel like them fooling around was too early, I kept in mind that most guys aren’t as hesitant to get physical as girls are when we first like someone. Obviously there are all sorts of men and women out there that have different comfort levels, but from my experience with writing other male pov’s I don’t feel the need to hold back with sexual activity. Sure it was fast, but I think that Nick would take control in this situation and express himself in the most natural way possible. Now, they won’t be fooling around every other chapter (I’m going to try to wrap this up with 10 chapters give or take) but I wanted them to have already jumped that hurdle so when other emotional scenes come up they may mean a bit more. Also, I don’t like the stigma around having sex “too soon”. I would wait but I see nothing wrong with anybody using it to feel pleasure or experience something special. Hope that all made sense, I’m going off of maybe six hours of sleep. I would’ve made this a bit longer but I only had a two hour break in between jobs.


	6. Start A Riot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm  
> No surrender, no retreat  
> I will tear down every wall  
> Just to keep you warm  
> Just to bring you home  
> I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust  
> I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust  
> Will you take my hand?  
> We can make our stand  
> If your world falls apart  
> I'd start a riot  
> If night falls in your heart  
> I'd light the fire  
> In the dark, when you sound the alarm  
> We'll find each other's arms  
> For your love, all you are  
> I'd start a riot  
> I will wade through the fire and smoke like sunlight through the haze  
> I will fight till the flag waves white until my dying days  
> Through the bombs and blasts  
> We will take it back  
> If your world falls apart  
> I'd start a riot  
> If night falls in your heart  
> I'd light the fire  
> In the dark, when you sound the alarm  
> We'll find each other's arms  
> For your love, all you are  
> I'd start a riot  
> I'd start, I'd start a riot  
> I'd start, I'd start a riot  
> I'd start, I'd start a riot  
> I'd start, I'd start a riot  
> Ooh, ooh  
> If your world falls apart  
> I'd start a riot"

The song for this chapter is BANNERS - Start A Riot

TROY'S POV:

Alicia left Luciana and me alone to retrieve my truck and some weapons for us to look for Nick. We all had a pretty good idea of where he was.

I tried to calm the rage that pooled inside of me because I knew it wouldn't get me anywhere. If Taqa even laid a finger on Nick I'd rip his face off.

Luciana and I strolled down the dirt road in impatience. Our tension felt heavy between us.

"What did you mean by 'Too late'?"

My brow raised at her. "Hmm?"

She gestured behind us. "When I warned you not to hurt Nick you said it was too late. What do you mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like." I let out a fed up breath. "I hurt people. It's what I do. Nick was never any different, he was just on borrowed time."

She continued to stare at me.

It made me uncomfortable and I didn't like the vibe I got next to her. "What?" I asked angrily.

She seemed unphased by my dislike of her. "He trusts you enough to let himself like you and that's all you have to offer?"

My shoulders rose. "He knew how messed up I was before he got involved." I looked away. "Still, I should've warned him."

This started to feel like my fault. I was the one that drove him away. Had I stood up to my Dad or insisted that he stayed none of this would've happened. He'd still be at the Ranch safe.

"This isn't your fault, Troy." She insisted.

I looked at her.

"Really feels like it." I sighed. "Now Nick, the only person that's been there for me, might pay with his life." I turned my head away when my eyes glossed over. "If we get him back I should just leave."

She stopped walking.

I looked at her.

"I left him, it hurt him, and he found someone else to care about. Are you really going to take that risk?"

The jealous part of me creeped out to inspect if this was a threat or not. While it probably wasn't, she was on to something. Leaving would inadvertently cause him the pain I was trying to protect him from. How twisted that was.

"He deserves better than what I am," I muttered. The back of my hand wiped at my eye.

She laughed. "He definitely does but it doesn't work like that a lot of the time."

My eyes narrowed at her. "Why are you being nice to me? I know why you came back and you know that I'm in your way."

"I helped put you in my way. Besides," She fingered her cross necklace. "I believe in the path that He chose for us. Everything's going to play out as it should."

I couldn't stop my eyes from rolling while I scoffed. "Please spare me your religious bullshit."

"It's not bullshit." Her voice rose. She gave me a wary look. "Just because people use religion to justify their hatred doesn't make it all bullshit."

A sardonic laugh left me. "Isn't that exactly what it means?"

She huffed, then put distance between us. "I don't see what Nick sees in you."

I gave her a grin. "Likewise."

Alicia arrived shortly after with the truck. "You okay?" She asked me when we walked up to the vehicle.

"Peachy." I sat in the bed so I could keep an eye on Luciana.

The few hours it took to get there I watched the Sun dip low into the sky while I thought about what the future of the Ranch would look like. Even if we were all booted out, I wasn't going to let that happen, I could see myself away from it all. I just didn't know what that looked like.

I covered myself with the blanket because I didn't have any warmth left.

"Can you go a little faster, Leesh?" I leaned forward. "It's not like we have to follow the speed limit."

Time was not on our side, the sinking feeling in my stomach only worsened the longer I was away from Nick.

She stepped on it.

The closer we got to the reserve, the harder my heart pounded.

Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.

I could almost feel Nick slipping away, I wasn't sure into what, but his presence here didn't feel quite clear.

The diner came into view. Before we could park, I jumped out of the bed of the truck. The pressure on my leg made me fall to my good knee. I groaned in pain.

"Troy," Alicia called after me.

I shuffled toward the restaurant as best I could with my throbbing leg, I held my gun at attention. "Taqa!"

They were out in a flash, probably just as ready for this confrontation as we were.

Alicia and Luciana soon backed me up.

I looked for Nick among them but he was nowhere in sight. I pressed forward with my rifle. "Where is he?" I demanded of Taqa.

He walked out to meet me. "Being tucked into bed right now. We're going to keep him if that's alright with you."

Luciana barged forward in a bitter string of Spanish. She quickly slapped and hit him before she was pulled off and restrained.

Taqa eyed Alicia. "You want a turn too?"

She snarled at him. "Don't tempt me."

One of his men pointed an arrow at her as a precaution.

I stared him down until he aimed it at me. "Give him back to us and we'll be on our way."

"We didn't ask for this." Taqa started. "We just want what was taken from us."

For someone I deeply hated, I felt a bit of empathy toward him. I understood in that moment we only wanted the same things, what was taken from us. The only difference was that the Indians wanted land and I wanted Nick.

I lowered my gun.

Luciana was thrown toward us.

Alicia helped catch her. "What are you doing?" She asked me.

I tried to convey with my eyes that I would handle this. I looked back at Taqa with a crazy idea. Maybe it was crazy that we all thought it was crazy to begin with. "I can't hand the Ranch over to you...But I can work with the others and get them on board for integration."

He scoffed. "We don't want integration, we want what your people took from us."

I stepped forward. "And I get that, I do. But when it comes down to it, we have more artillery than you on a good day. We have military trained Vets. We have medicine and cattle. Resources that could be shared."

"Share. Us? You're serious?" He inched closer.

I walked toward him to show that I wasn't afraid. "Do you have a better idea? One that doesn't end in more violence?"

We stood almost face to face.

My eyes glared into his. "You see, I like to get my hands dirty. I like killing things. I'm good at it."

"Is that a threat?" He seemed amused as he stepped back.

I shook my head. "No threats here. Just a promise. Because if you do anything else that may hurt Nick, Alicia, Jake, or me, then I can get my hands dirty again." I smiled. "When I get murdery I get a little coocoo. Well, I'm already there." I wiped the smile off my face as I got in his. "So you're going to take the deal. We're taking Nick home, then you and I will meet in three days to discuss our next actions."

"Is that right?"

"Even if you kill all of us here tonight you still won't get the Ranch. They'll never give it up. You won't get it without my help."

He looked around at his people, then back at me. "Why would we believe anything you promise?"

I chanced an honest moment when I stared into his eyes. "Because you took the only thing that's ever been good in my life and I'd like the chance to keep it." I pushed my hand forward.

He shook it with less of a grimace than I thought he'd have. "You come to us as a sign of good faith. If you don't show then we'll take it as the deal is off."

"Deal." I backed away. I briefly looked at Alicia and Luciana to make sure they were okay.

Alicia nodded at me. "Now where's my brother?" She demanded.

Taqa gestured to the building left of the restaurant.

"Get in the truck," I told the girls. "Keep it running, I'll get him." I ran for the building as fast as I could. I shoved the door open, my heartbeat was erratic.

There was some women sitting on the floor with Nick's head in her lap.

She stared up at me with wide eyes. Her guilt was evident.

He wasn't moving, just mumbling nonsensical words. He sounded like he was in pain.

"What did you do to him?" I snatched her up.

She pushed me off. "He's okay,"

I gestured to him on the ground. "Look at him!" I got to my knees to check on him. "He's not fine."

His skin was slick with sweat, his hair was all over his head.

My hand smoothed it back. I took in his busted lip and swollen cheek. "Why is he burning up?" I couldn't keep the worry from my voice.

"Troy," He muttered, still not in his clear mind. He started to cry.

I clutched him against me. "Nick!" All I wanted was for him to look at me, to see me, and to not be sad.

Then he did just that. "Troy?" His shaky hand reached out for me. "Are you really here?" He struggled to look at the women. "Ofelia, is he really here?"

She took that time to explain to me everything that happened. "The concoction I gave him helped speed his trip up by giving him a fever. It was the only thing I could think of."

I sat there in submission, knowing that there wasn't anything that I could do. Had I realized sooner that we could share the Ranch then maybe he wouldn't have been there like that. Hurting because of me and my family.

My forehead wrinkled in frustration before I stood and picked him up to leave. I didn't know whether to punch or hug this Ofelia for the role she played in all of this.

On the way to the truck, Nick stared up at me with half-lidded eyes. "Your leg."

It was screaming in pain but I could endure it.

He must've gotten motion sickness because he threw up an inch away from my shoes. "Don't apologize," I told him when he tried to talk. I wiped the puke off his mouth, then wiped it on my jeans.

The girls hopped out of the truck to inspect him.

"We don't have time for this, we have to get him back to Julia." I tried to get him in the bed of the truck on my own, but I felt something open up. I looked down at my leg and realized my stitches had come undone, blood colored the fabric soon enough.

Alicia helped me. "For someone who doesn't care about a lot when you do it's quite scary."

It had been for me. I didn't even know if I was doing it right.

She kissed her brother's forehead, then hopped in the driver's seat and started our way home.

I settled us as best as I could in the back, he laid against me. Nothing would be too comfortable but I made do. I covered the blanket over us so maybe I could get a wink of rest now that he was safe. I only hoped he wouldn't freak out when he woke up and push me away.

"Troy," He mumbled in his sleep.

My eyes gazed at him in the moonlight and I knew that I was in trouble. I let out a relieved breath, then placed my hand on his side to pull him closer.

Somewhere on the road, I must've fallen asleep because Alicia shook me awake.

"We're home."

My eyes took in the sky that had started to lighten. I gave Nick a once over.

Luciana came around to help her get Nick out because my leg was too messed up to do so on my own.

We were greeted by the cowardly calvary; Jake, my Dad, and Madison. Actually, Madison had more balls than both of them combined, but I knew she didn't like me for her son. She hadn't been wrong, I already proved that I was bad for him just by caring about him.

"What happened?" Madison rushed to survey Nick.

My head swam with nausea when I stepped down from the truck. I could feel panic rise in me, which made it hard to breathe.

"Don't tell me you two ran off to be together or some fagotty shit like that and got yourselves injured?" My Dad asked in disgust.

Madison looked at him in disbelief.

I walked up to him with a clenched jaw and a balled fist at my side. "We saved the farm from an invasion, which is more than you've ever done."

"Who do you think you're talking to? Did that boy teach you to talk to me like that? You know, ever since he showed up you've been more of a fuck up than usual." His words slurred a bit with whatever liquor he found.

Madison was about to intervene but I beat her to the punch when I reeled back my fist and clocked him.

He fell to the ground.

"That boy's name is Nick, Dad." I caught my breath. "And you'll treat him with respect even if you never showed me any." I tried to back away but my feet were too slow so I tipped over.

Jake caught me. "Troy,"

"His stitches came out getting Nick back." Alicia shared. "He's lost a lot of blood."

As if on cue, I passed out.

NICK'S POV:

My eyes cracked open to see a few faces that hovered over me. I jumped back out of fear.

"Relax," My Mom placed her hand on my arm. "It's just us."

Alicia threw a troubled smile. "Hey,"

I blew out a calming breath. "How'd I get here?" I looked around to figure out I was in my house.

"You don't remember?"

My head shook, I groaned at the slight headache I could feel coming on. "Not really. A few bits and pieces, kind of like a bad dream." My face throbbed a bit.

Alicia handed me a cup of water. "Here,"

I sat up with my back against the wall to drink it. "Thanks."

"Do you remember Taqa kidnapping you?"

My mind thought back on it. I took the time to weave the pieces together, but some things were still in and out.

"We came to get you," Alicia sat adjacent to me. "We were really worried, especially Troy."

My eyes met hers. "Troy?"

Flashes from my trip came back to me. His light and warmth that vibrated between us. It had saved us both from the darkness of my mind.

"Where is he?" I scooched off the bed.

My Mom stood with me. "He's resting in the Med Bay."

I started for the door but she pulled me back. Worry formed inside me. "What's wrong with him?"

"He's got an infection." She said with hesitation.

I stilled. "What?" I stared at her. "He's infected?" My eyes stung with fast tears.

She reached out for me.

I pulled my arm back. "Is he infected?" I repeated.

Alicia jumped off the bed. "He's not one of the Infected, Nick. He's got an infection. He popped his stitches saving you."

Alleviation coursed through me as I let go of my breath.

"He doesn't look good. He needs to rest." She wrapped me in a hug. "So if you could keep yourself out of trouble then we won't have to worry about him."

I hugged her back. "Thank you." My eyes met my Mom's. I couldn't keep the fear from my eyes as we looked at each other.

While she hadn't seen Travis turn or become Infected she had lost him to the sickness. I was terrified that I'd lose Troy to it.

I put on a brave face and eventually made my way to the Med Bay after I cleaned up.

Julia looked up at my entrance. "I was wondering when you were coming back."

I took in Troy stretched out on the makeshift bed. He held a light sheen of sweat along his neck and forehead. She had his leg propped up for elevation.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," I told her. I walked to his side. "You can fix him, right?"

She stared at me for a few seconds. "It ain't your fault. The boy don't know what to do in love."

I gave a small laugh, then replayed her words in my head. "I'm sorry, what?" Warmth flooded me. "We're not-he's not in...We don't even know things-if things would work out." I cleared my throat loudly. "We barely know each other." I looked down at him. "I mean, I feel like I know him and I don't know what I'd do if he suddenly wasn't here anymore." Thick emotion laced my words. "And I-I care about him a lot. Maybe more than I should. Maybe more than is healthy for me."

"What do you think being in love is?"

I looked over at her. "We're not in love," I clarified for her. "We need time for that." I turned my attention back to him. My hand rested on his chest to feel his beating heart. "We need more time."

"Back in my day, not everything needed to be stretched out like it does nowadays. When you met someone you liked you went for it, head first. All in." She sat in her chair and observed us. "Try to treat him right even if he can be an asshole."

That was a tall order to fill, but I agreed nonetheless. Even if he wouldn't let me get closer.

When Julia told me that he'd probably sleep late into the day I took the time to talk with Cooper and Jake. Jake informed me that he used to have a little hiding place that would better for him to rest and recover until Jeremiah cools down. Coop helped him and I clean up the attic enough for two people to lay low for a bit. It didn't matter how long Troy stayed there if he even wanted to stay there at all, he had a place to retreat from his Dad. That's all I wanted for him. He needed to see that he didn't need Jeremiah to be happy, it was quite the opposite. If he didn't get better then he deserved whatever time he had left away from hatred.

When the attic was up to standards I had Coop and Jake carry Troy up. He wasn't going to wake up in that tent thinking nobody loved him.

I halted at the realization that I did feel love for him. It was too new to understand what kind of love it was. Or if it even was indeed love or simply adoration or infatuation. All doubt left my mind when they placed him down on the mattress we stuffed up here.

He looked so peaceful asleep. His fever had subsided a bit but not enough that he was out of the water.

"Thank you guys." I told them.

Coop nodded my way, then left Jake and me alone.

"I appreciate you doing this for him," Jake told me. "He needs somebody like you."

I blushed. "I appreciate you saying that but I'm not anything special."

He propped his hands on his hips. "Special enough for Troy to punch our Dad over." His face held slight amusement.

"He what?"

Jake laughed. "Yeah," He slapped my shoulder and squeezed. "Holler if you need anything." He headed down the stairs and closed the door behind him.

I turned back to Troy with raised brows. "And to think you can't get any cuter." I sat in the chair by the bed and picked up one of the few books I brought up here. "Well played, Blair." I mumbled to myself once I got into the book.

TROY'S POV:

I awoke in a familiar yet strange place. When I realized I was in the attic I relaxed. Only it wasn't the attic I remembered. I was on a mattress surrounded by pillows. Strings of light hung all along the ceiling that were plugged into one of our generators, giving the dark room a light, comfortable glow. The usual boxes and dusty furniture were pushed to the far side of the room. A few candles were lit here and there. My old CD player sat in the corner.

I noticed how weak and not myself I felt.

My eyes fell on Nick, my body was completely aware of his presence. His warmth radiated from him to me. He sat in a wooden chair, one of my Gossip Girl books on his stomach as he slept, a light snore left him.

Did he do all of this? For me?

I tried to move but my leg protested. The stitches had been reapplied. I couldn't really remember much else after I punched my Dad but I figured I wasn't in too good of shape from the current state of my health.

"Nick," I whispered.

He remained asleep. He had a little drool on his face.

"Nick." I said a little louder. I cracked a grin at him as I propped myself up on my elbows.

Damn, he was so cute.

I threw one of the many pillows at him.

He grew alert. "Woah." He registered that I was awake. His brown eyes that had looked for a threat softened as they saw me. "Hey,"

"Hey," I couldn't rid the half-smile off my face at the sight of him just staring at me. "What are you reading?" I teased.

He blushed a bit. He looked down at the teen drama. "Hope you don't mind,"

"As long as you give it back."

He let out a little laugh. "Cross my heart."

...Hope to die.

The seriousness of the past day crept into the room. I sat up all the way to talk with him.

He rose from the chair to sit beside the mattress, his eyes looked extremely heavy. "I'm sorry,"

I tilted my head to look at him. "Why are you sorry?"

He placed the book aside and gave me all of his attention. "Because you got hurt saving me."

I gave an incredulous laugh. "Only after Taqa kidnapped you and bruised you up, gave you that drug. All because he knew how important you are to me and he tried to use that to his advantage."

"You could die, Troy." He gestured to my leg. He looked down at his lap, but not before I saw his eyes shine. "You've got an infection. It's going away, but something could still happen." His voice sounded so small.

His worry warmed me in all the right ways.

"Nick," I said softly.

He sniffled, then met my eyes. He'd never looked more handsome than when his eyes held tears for me.

"Come here."

He got to his knees and crawled onto the mattress.

"I'm not going to lie to you," I stared into his eyes. "I don't know if I'm going to make it."

His face fell.

My hand reached out to get him to look at me. "But I'm here now. We can hang out until things change." Whatever that change was, we didn't know. Either I'd get better or I wouldn't. Dying didn't seem so bad. Sure, it was end all be all, but if it lead me to where I was with Nick then maybe it had been worth it.

He looked all over my face before he reached forward with his mouth on mine. He kissed me with passion that I had never witnessed. His hands grabbed my face to steady me, his tongue slid against mine.

I was kissed out of my mind. And a bit horny.

"Nick," I pulled away to catch my breath. "About before, I shouldn't have kicked you out." I gazed into his warm, brown eyes. "I thought I was protecting you from my Dad."

He nodded. "I know,"

"I still want to protect you. From me this time."

He arched a brow at me, a cocky grin on his lips. "You came with a warning label the moment I met you. I threw it away." He rose to his knees, which made him a bit taller than me, something I wasn't used to.

"Oh," I ran my hand down his side. "That's cute." I looked up at him. "But I'm serious."

"So am I," He placed a kiss on my lips that made me rock hard. He grinned as he looked down at it. "I don't want to live in regret or what if's. I'm living in the now." He straddled my sweatpants covered hips carefully.

We stared at each other as we tried to figure out if we were on the same page enough to embark on what was next for us.

I was frozen into place.

He made the first move by peeling his shirt off. He wasn't quite as muscular as me but he was still toned enough for me to appreciate. He hovered his mouth above mine. "I can stop if you want?" His hands started to peel my shirt off as well.

I didn't trust my words in that moment so I placed my hand on his chest, then slid it down his abs. My other hand unbuckled his belt. It was time to return the favor. My eyes said as much when I made him rise to his knees. I slid down his jeans to reveal he had no underwear on. I bit my lip at the sight of his hard cock that a bit bigger than mine.

He held his breath and finally let it out when I took him in my mouth. "Holy shit." He immediately grabbed my hair and pulled on it.

I liked his rough nature, he was the dominant of the two of us, something I had no problem with. But when I had his thick cock inside of my mouth I held the power. I had absolutely no experience, just years of watching gay porn to add to the memory bank.

He tried not to be too rough but I could tell he held back from humping the shit out of my face. "Troy," He groaned. "Goddamn, you're good at that." His head fell back, his grip on my hair tightened. "Fuck, I'm going to cum." He was about to pull out but I wouldn't let him.

My hands grabbed his hips and made him continue working himself in and out of my mouth.

"Troy?"

I stared into his eyes and tried to convey that by the end of the night that I wanted his cum in me and my cum in him.

He took it well. So well that he stopped holding back with me. He picked up the pace of his strokes. "Fuck, Troy." His balls slapped against my chin which tickeled a bit.

I loved every second of it.

"I'm going to cum down your throat." He stilled, then groaned until he emptied his load. He pulled out and caught his breath. He didn't take long before he was back to sucking my cock.

"Oh fuck," I bobbed his head down on me. My gaze traveled down to his lower half. I pulled his jeans all the way off to reveal his bare ass. I licked my finger then played with his asshole.

He moaned around me.

I took that as a sign to keep going so I made sure his ass was lubed up, then I slowly pushed a finger in.

He stiffened.

I stopped.

"Don't stop." He said around my cock.

Shit, that was hot.

I continued to work my fingers in and out of him because he was the one that was being fucked tonight. It probably would be me if not for my leg.

He made sounds of pleasure to let me know he was getting into the assplay.

Good.

I pulled his mouth off my cock so I wouldn't cum too fast. Well, I'd probably still cum fast. He was my first male ass.

He looked at me as we silently asked each other once again if this was what we wanted.

"If you're not sure then we don't have to." I assured him. "You're not worried about the Infection if I do have it?"

He straddled me again, then leaned forward to tug my lips with his harshly. "I want you to fuck me, Troy."

Alrighty then.

My cock had never been harder. If he wanted this as much as I did then I had to show him how much he turned me on, how much I wanted to give to him, how much I cared about him.

I gazed into his eyes as I lined my cock up with his asshole. "Try to relax."

He nodded, knowing as well as I did that this would hurt for him.

As delicately as I could, I slid inside of him inch by inch until I was all the way in and he was used to me.

"If you want me to take it out just say the word."

His head shook. "No," He said adamantly. "I want to do this with you. Give me another minute to get used to it."

I nodded. I twirled his nipples. "Are you sensitive here?" I reached forward to suck on them.

"Mmm," He moaned, which made him relax a bit.

I hovered my mouth up to his neck, my hot breath made him shiver. My hips moved a bit.

He let out a breath, he leaned his neck out so I could trail kisses there. He didn't expect me to slam into him at the same time I bite into his neck. "Oh God."

I worked my hips more so he could get used to a rhythm. "You're so tight." I said into his ear, which I think drove him a little crazy. I like having the power here because I didn't think I would, he was weak with lust and willing to submit to me, willing to let me have my way.

"More." He begged.

To play with him, I continued to give him slow and long strokes but I also wanted to make sure he wouldn't be in pain.

He grabbed my throat and squeezed lightly. "Fuck me."

Upon hearing those words, my hips worked into him faster. Not as fast as I could go but fast enough so that his moans filled the room.

"You like that?"

He glared into my eyes. "Hell yes," He pushed me down, his hands steadied him as he tried his hand at riding me. By try, I meant succeed. His hands roamed over my body.

From the moment we met neither of us knew we'd end up here but here was a good path to have taken.

Watching him ride me had to be the hottest thing I'd ever seen. I had to grab his cock and jerk him off.

He threw his head back in pleasure. "Troy, you're going to kill me."

"I plan on cumming in you first." I said cockily.

He looked down at me with a smirk. "Who said I'd let you?"

I grinned, knowing he enjoyed this game as much as I did. My hands grabbed his hips as my torso rose so I could get be with him how I wanted. I held his hips still, then slammed into him with the power I'd been holding back.

His cute little mouth widened at the heavenly feel. He took over jerking himself off.

We stayed close to each other, our shared breath made this even hotter.

I held him in my arms so I could give him more of me.

He held my head close to his chest, his hand gripped my hair, then he tipped my head back so he plant a heavy kiss on my mouth. 

Our moans filled the room. I wasn't ashamed. I wasn't hiding. I wanted this with him and I didn't care who it made uncomfortable.

His breath tickled my neck as he clung to me. "Troy, it's never felt like this," He admitted.

"I know." I wanted to say more but I was scared to say what was on my mind, not while all of my pleasure senses were tingling.

He pressed his lips to mine and continued to take my breath away. He went back to jerking himself off.

"I wish my leg wasn't messed up so I could really fuck you." I told him in between kisses.

He lightly pushed me away to look at me with amusement. "There's more?"

I slammed into him hard. "A lot more." I promised. I pushed his hand away and took over stroking his cock again because I liked holding his most sensitive organ in my hand.

He bit his lip, he wrapped his arms around my neck. "You're just going to have to prove it to me."

I focused on taking us to the highest high we've ever had the next several minutes. I was starting to think Nick had a magical ass that wouldn't let me cum but the moment I knew I was around the bend I warned him. "I'm close, Nick." My eyes gazed into his.

"So am I," His body readied for his orgasm. "Don't stop fucking me." He begged. "Troy," He moaned. "Don't stop." He never left my eyes even as he shot his load all over me.

My hips pounded into him harder. "Shit, I'm going to cum in your ass." I brought his mouth down to mine. "Nick," I grunted while my cum emptied into him. My eyes closed at the sensation. "Fuck, I love you." I muttered.

The effects of my orgasm wore off when I realized what I said. I slowly pulled out of him.

My eyes snapped to his. "Um, what I meant was..." I panicked but if this was my last night with him as me then I owed it to myself to be completely honest. "I know that this happened really fast. I don't know who I'd be without you here, Nick. I didn't like the guy I was before. I didn't think I could be who I wanted to be. Now that I can I don't want to hold back." My eyes read his that were full of fear but something close to admiration. "I don't really know what it is I'm feeling, I'm not very good at emotions. Or this." I gestured between us. "You don't have to say anything back but I want you to know that I do love you. Before you freak out on me, I'm not sure if I'm in love with you, but I do know that I have love for you."

He stared at me with softer eyes than I'd ever seen on him. He leaned forward to lightly press his lips to mine. "I love you too."

When he moved away I grabbed his face to pull him back for a long kiss.

He looked over at me after our shower. We fell back on the bed, content with the present. "That's a big smile."

I could feel my face split. The sight of him in my clothes gave me great satisfaction. "I'm happy," I whispered to him. I trailed my fingertips along the long scar on the inside of his forearm.

"Me too." He smiled at me.

My eyes grew moist. "I'm scared."

He nodded. "Me too." His smile fell away.

"You know it's risky to stay here with me." My hand tucked his hair behind his ear.

He grabbed my hand and planted a kiss on my palm before I could get it back. "I know."

We tried to stay up as late as we could talking with more Mazzy Star in the background but sleep eventually won out for the both of us.

I could feel myself slipping away as the fever and infection won out. For some reason, I couldn't speak words to wake Nick. A deep hunger formed in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to feed, to tear into flesh.

My eyes went over to Nick's body. I used whatever control I had left to bring myself to my feet, I stumbled to the far side of the attic. My humanity held on by a thread until that thread broke.

"Troy?"

I was drawn to the noise by animalistic desire.

"Troy, help. I can't move. Something's wrong. Maybe the drug worked its way back into my system."

I stood this time with a purpose of eating. The warmth of the body nearby called to me. I needed it.

His eyes took me in with horror. "No," His eyes fogged up. "No." He started to cry.

I clamored over top of him, my teeth ripped into him. There was so much flesh to fill me up. I couldn't stop myself from eating.

"Troy," He sobbed.

I dug into his organs and eventually his noise was cut off.

I jumped awake with a gasp. My heart pounded fiercely in my chest. I looked over to find Nick still alive.

His eyes creaked open. He sat up with me sleepily. "What's wrong?"

My breathing became shallow. "Nick,"

He held my face to get me to look at him. "Hey, breathe." He mimicked taking in a long, slow breath.

I followed his lead.

He blew it out nice and easy.

I let out the panic with doing it a few more times.

"Bad dream?" He deduced. He handed me a cup of water.

My head nodded. I put a bit of distance between us.

He followed.

I couldn't help but like him when he wouldn't let me get away.

"Troy, I'm here." He turned my face to his by my chin. "Tell me what happened."

My eyes fell to my thigh, then raised to his again. "I had a nightmare that the infection killed me," I didn't want to tell him the rest for fear that he'd actually not come after me next time. My hand went to his arm. "There's more." I took in a breath. "You were paralyzed again." I stared at his chest. "And I started to eat you." I admitted shamefully.

"You're not dead. I'm not dead." He gazed into my eyes. "It was just a dream." He didn't give up his hold on me.

I let him be there for me before I stood. "I need some air." I could tell he felt a little confused so I leaned down to cup his face in my hand. My lips tugged on his with a promise of as soon as I was healed we would test the boundaries of our bodies and everything else that came along with this companionship. "I'll be back."

His nose brushed against mine.

I couldn't keep the grin off my face on my descent down the stairs and outside.

The Ranch had been surprisingly quiet, but a good quiet. The others may or not know that we didn't have anything to fear from the Indians. We would work it out.

I let the night breeze wash its calm breath over me for a few minutes while I reveled in the luck that was brought my way.

There was a crash from inside the house. I went to go investigate.

The last thing I expected to see was my Dad trashing his study.

"Dad, what are you doing?"

He paused to take me in. "What are you doing in my house you nasty, dirty fagot?" He shoved some of the books off his desk.

I took a step forward because I felt I needed to. "I know that you're in pain, that you've been in pain for a long time, but that doesn't give you the right to try and inflict it on me."

He drunk some more of the bottle he held in his hand. "Shut the fuck up. I can do whatever I want.

My head shook. "No, you can't. I've finally found something good to hold onto. I didn't think I deserved it and maybe I don't, but I have it." I reached out for the bottle. "You don't have to hate yourself."

He smashed the bottle against the side of my head.

I was stunned from the pain.

He kicked me hard on my injured thigh.

A groan left me as I fell to the floor. My hands clutched at the sore flesh. "Dad-" I was cut off by the gun in his shaky hands. "Dad, put the gun down." I tried to stay as calm as possible.

"You know as well as I do when something's lame or sick you put it down because you have to." He stumbled my way until he could press the gun onto my forehead.

"I'm not sick. I'm healing myself, I swear." 

He shook his head. "No, you're as sick as they come. You've always been sick, Troy."

I didn't want to die, not like this. Not when I had the chance to have something good for once in my life.

"Please," I couldn't run, I was afraid to move. The second chance I wanted him to have was ripped away by my hatred for him.

My life flashed before my eyes and all I wanted was for people to know that I was here.

He had the audacity to cry. "I'm sorry, son. It had to be this w-"

The sound of a gunshot cut through the air.

My eyes squeezed tight in hopes I wouldn't feel anything, but then I realized I was still alive. I opened my eyes to find my Dad on the floor with a bleeding bullet hole to the head.

Nick stood over us with cold eyes and his gun still raised.

We locked eyes.

Grateful tears spilled out of me because I was still here and that monster was gone. Traumatized tears spilled out of me because my own father wanted to kill me. He had been so close if hadn't been for Nick.

He dropped the gun and came to my side with warm, inviting arms. "It's going to be okay." He let me cry into his chest even when others arrived, even when questions were asked, even when Alicia tended to my bleeding head.

A/N: I hope yall don't feel like they had sex too fast. I had doubts writing it but then I thought how beautiful would it be if it were Troy's last night alive as opposed to them just cuddling. At this point, they're practically married. Definitely boyfriends even though they haven't actually talked about it. I'd greatly appreciate any feedback. Thanks for reading! :D


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